Best I ever had
by Iris C
Summary: Meiling Meilin finally gives up on Syaoran Li, Syaoran and Sakura, not having magic, her life, and went on as a recluse, but will Syaoran let her give up everything? A MEILING fic. finished xD
1. So you sailed away

Best I ever had - Part I (edited)  
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfic   
by Iris C - silver_dreams10@yahoo.com  
Completed : April 11th 2001 (1st part)  
  
Late developement : I have 'Japaned', de-dubbed all the names.   
  
Notes : This fic centers between Meiling and Syaoran, love or not I'm not sure, but at least a connection :)   
It also kind of sub-center between Sakura and Syaoran so yeah...I wonder what this could be about. ^.^   
This is my first Card Captor Fic so please go easy. ^^   
  
Why I wrote this fic : I'm sick of people judging Meiling base on her front. I personally   
adore her, she's a character with depth, and so cute too. ^.^ I think too much bias has   
been made on Meiling, how would you act if you are ...1) Denied of magic when the rest   
of your family's are all sitting around and casting spells? 2) The person you live for   
doesn't return your love. 3) Everything you do, your 'love's' perfect little girlfriend does   
better? By the way, how can you be clumsy and perfect? I hope I didn't sound like I   
dislike Sakura or anything, coz I do like Sakura. I just like Meiling better. :p I also am sick   
of people saying Syaoran hates Meiling, that's not true and anyone could see it. Annoyed. Yes.   
But never hate... In fact, he loves her, perhaps not in a girlfriend way, but as a little sister,   
yes. So you know, non-constructive criticism flys by my eyes faster than Meiling could   
beat up Sakura. JK JK. Lol. :D  
  
Thanks : The edited version is made possible by me, my computer, my writing software,   
Matthew Cline and viewers like you. Hahaha. I'm just kiddin' ya. Seriously, I must thank   
Matt for editing/revising/analyzing 'Best I ever had' part 1 willingly. So there, thank you   
Matt! For your superb English and editing skills that I lack. ^^ I also wanna thank all of   
you that reviewed. Boy, people on the Internet sure are nice. (Did I just say that?)  
  
***  
  
Raining...raining outside...  
  
Raining...raining inside...  
  
The eyes...ruby red...so pure yet so dull.   
  
A blink. She stared as droplets of rain hit the window sill, making their way into   
the brown soil. She wondered where he was now...in the midst of all the rain, where   
could he be? Why wasn't he here? Was she that much of a nuisance to him?   
  
Was he with Sakura? Yes, he is probably with Kinomoto again. Clinging to excuses   
like 'I feel evil energy', 'or a Clow card is out', when in truth perhaps, he just wanted to   
be near her? No. That's not like Syaoran. Syaoran's only care are the Clow cards. Love and   
friendship stood much too trivial for him, that is, until a certain auburn haired, green   
eyed, wand carrying girl came along the way.   
  
Meiling directed her eyes toward the clock. 7:02pm   
  
In 10 minutes her Taxi will be here. In 10 minutes she will be gone. In 10 minutes   
she will be out of his life, no longer 'in the way'. She remembered when she had to leave   
last time. Those stoic words he had spoken to her, 'you are always in the way.' Then   
those gentle words he had let brush by her ears, 'I never thought you were in the way.' It   
almost made her laugh, what power Syaoran had over her. It was as if he could control her, her   
laughter, her joy, her sorrow, her contentment... her...everything.   
  
Maybe that's why she's leaving : to have a life of her own. To live without   
knowing what Li Syaoran's next step was. Meiling pressed her face against the frigid   
glass; to live without losing him in front of her...if she hadn't already.  
  
The door squeaked open. In came a boy with a small build but defiant stance, his brown   
hair unraveled in front of amber eyes that burned with simple passion. He panted as water   
streamed down from his clothes and hair.   
  
Soaked.   
  
"Meiling, I'm sorry, the bus never came so I ran back and..."   
  
He was cut off by Meiling, handing him a dry towel. It was a habit for her now. To   
make him laugh when he's down; to keep him alert when he's tired; to nag him nonstop   
till he gives in.  
  
"You...are really leaving..." Syaoran finally said after ringing out his wet clothes.   
  
"I am." An unusual calmness settled over Meiling.   
  
"Meiling, listen, I just want you to know that I'm grateful," he asserted.  
  
She simply stared at him with a pair of longingly eyes. Yearning for one word...one   
look...one touch...but stifling all her emotions as she blinked and looked down. She was   
nothing to him. Nothing compared to Kinomoto, the clow mistress, the cute and loved one.   
She was nothing without him, but then she was nothing with him...nothing except a shadow.   
  
A honk was heard outside.   
  
Meiling reached for one of her bigger luggages as Syaoran reached toward it at the same   
time. She froze as his hand brushed against hers, so cold, but so warm.   
  
"Here...let me help," Syaoran murmured.   
  
Meiling nodded then grabbed one of her carry-ons.   
  
So was this really the end? Just like this? No hugs? No I'll miss yous? She   
imagined a million ways of how he would say goodbye, none of them were like this.   
Herself stoic, and he unemotional as usual.   
  
But then it could have been worse.  
  
"Meiling-chan!" in burst Sakura and Kero behind her, both wet and exhausted.   
  
Did it just get worse?   
  
"Kinomoto," said Meiling.  
  
"Oh Meiling, I can't believe you're leaving. Why must you leave?"   
  
She was so sickeningly sweet...so caring...no wonder... "I must train more back   
home, and I really miss my family," Meiling lied, sensing a pair of eyes burning through   
her.   
  
Sakura nodded, "I understand, but I'll miss you." Sakura pulled Meiling into a hug.   
Meiling felt a smile tugging on the corner of her lips. She never did like Sakura, but she   
never regretted knowing Sakura, or even becoming friends with her. There was just   
something inevitable about Sakura, perhaps her magnetic aura Meiling both envied and   
loved.   
  
"I must go now," said Meiling, retaining the calm tone she had adapted for that   
day. "Sakura, Syaoran..." she turned, then felt her eyes locked onto Syaoran's eyes that looked  
... sad? No...can't be. He has everything he needs here in Japan. "Good luck." Meiling turned   
away, that as all she could muster. That moment took all the strength she had, and now   
Meiling felt her everything swallowing her down once again. A step outside the grey apartment  
merged her tears within the rain. And then the rain above her ceased.   
  
An umbrella.   
  
"Take care. MeiMei," were his last words.   
  
Her nickname, in Chinese...Meiling felt the warmth in her heart again, but the   
flicker was quickly succumbed to grey ice. Why? Why did she have to love him so   
badly? Why, why, why? Meiling felt her heart burn, burning till there was nothing left   
except a limp body.  
  
"Zai Jian," Meiling whispered a farewell in Chinese. No, she realized the word also   
meant 'will see you again.'  
  
"Sayonara." Meiling corrected herself simply.   
  
Goodbye, badbye, happybye, sadbye, endbye, Idontwanttoseeyouagainbye.   
  
ButIllmissyoubye...willyoumissmebye...  
  
  
***  
  
***  
  
Home.   
  
Syaoran had always wanted his home to be like this. Silent, peaceful and dim, like a   
sanctuary. However, the small apartment resembled more of a tomb than a sanctuary. It   
was bleak, lifeless, jaded and perhaps even morose. Home haven't always been like this;   
a week ago the little apartment beamed with life. The clattering of pans and glasses; the   
television booming with cable Chinese channels; her offerings of beverages and a   
shoulder he had never accepted; her high-pitched voice nagging for him to help her cook;   
her...ruby eyes full of vivacity and determination. Her. That was what was missing.  
  
It had been a whole week since she left. Part of him was glad she had left, for he   
could finally concentrate on one objective: Capturing the Clow cards. Part of him hated   
the fact that she left, for everything looked grey and tasted bland.   
  
Why hadn't she called him? He had expected her to call the day she left, and the   
day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that. Perhaps   
that's why he allowed himself sprawled across the couch every waking afternoon, for that   
one call. But a week has passed, and there was no call, no letter, no email, no fax, no   
Meiling, no traces of Meiling. He had never felt so empty. It didn't make sense, but it did   
make sense. When she was here, you treated her like she didn't matter, Syaoran reminded   
himself. Though she never minded that before, no matter what he does, Meiling would   
always pamper and chase him around as if...as if she loved him.  
  
Syaoran closed his eyes. Remembering how happy she had been when their family   
engaged them, and remembered how annoyed he had been. Did Meiling really love him?  
Syaoran pondered. She couldn't possibly. He answered to himself. We're merely children,   
children don't know what love really is. Or maybe it was just him, the detached one,   
the nonchalant one, the one with only one goal in life.  
  
Syaoran lifted himself off of the couch; if she wasn't going to write to him, well, maybe   
he will. After all, they were friends, weren't they? He smiled faintly as memories pass   
through his head like a filmstrip. How happy they had been no matter how much he had   
tried to deny it. Children, although he was determined to succeed (therefore acted   
solemn), he still went on a couple of Meiling's crusades where he would throw all his   
cares away and just laugh and jump with her...like two daisies in the breeze. No matter   
how confined by the dicipline of the Li clan, they were still children.  
  
He opened his drawer in search of paper and pen.  
  
Then froze.   
  
A ring. On top of all the papers and pencils was a ring. A gold ring ornamented by   
a ruby gem framed by diamonds.. Their engagement ring...  
  
Syaoran picked up the small ring that had been on her finger since the day he was   
forced to give her. Now it was frigid, aloof and detached. Without realizing it, Syaoran felt his   
heart sink. She must really hate him to do this. Suppressing a sudden despondence, Syaoran  
placed the ring back in the drawer.   
  
  
***  
  
5 years later.   
  
***  
  
Meiling pursed her lips, squeezing her eyes shut while one hand clutched onto a   
wall. She can do this, she can do this, step, step on. She had envisioned this too many   
times before. Just two steps and she would be on that tattered roof, like in those martial   
art movies where the heroine leaps from roof to roof. Of course, the heroine can also fly,   
walk on water, never lose and always get the guy.  
  
Stop stalling Meiling. She reprimanded herself.   
  
Okay, okay...  
  
Taking a deep breath, Meiling flipped into the air and pressed her foot against one   
side of the wall, then the other, then on the roof, then slipped and, ...faced dirt.   
  
"Damn it!" She cried, out of both pain and frustration. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn   
it!" Subconsciously, Meiling felt her tears stir, mixing with the dirt, the pain, the despair   
and all tge anguish.   
  
Tears, she hadn't cried for so long...so, so long. Not even when she had dislocated   
her shoulder, sprained her ankle, twisted a bone, broken her finger, received a   
concussion, so why was she crying now?   
  
The heroine always gets the guy.   
  
Meiling shook her head. No, not him again. Not them again. She got up, holding a   
cut knee added to her collection of bruises.   
  
Don't think. Was the last thing she told herself.   
  
  
***  
  
Sakura ran, she was late to her lunch date with Syaoran. AGAIN. It was getting to her   
really, how instead of maturing, she seem to be becoming more empty headed and less   
responsible day by day. Sakura would like to blame the cards for that, capturing them   
were taking most of her energy, leaving her barely anytime to catch up on her life. (Okay   
okay, I now realized She and Syaoran must be having a lot of trouble if they still couldn't   
capture all the cards in 5 years. *Matt* ^^ But I don't know, let's just say they are having   
a lot of trouble. Gomen, next time I'll draw out a story map so it'll be more logical. ~iris)   
But she knew that wasn't the case. After all, Syaoran, who usually does the physical work in   
card capturing is maturing. Though you can't really say that about Syaoran, as he was always   
mature for his age.  
  
Sakura slowed down as she approached the little cafe, hoping her face wasn't as   
flushed as it felt. She smiled automatically when she saw Syaoran outside the cafe. His   
expression, however, stopped her from waving.   
  
Syaoran was sitting with a pair of oblivious eyes, not bothered by the sun or the   
humidity. In his hands sat a glass of perspiring water, stalling against the heat. Sakura   
frowned, something was bothering him.   
  
"Hi." Sakura pulled up a chair opposite to him. "Sorry I'm late."  
  
Startled, Syaoran let go of the glass. "Sakura! Hi!"  
  
Sakura smiled back. She remembered when Syaoran had first smiled at her. It was when   
he told her he liked her, so strange to see a bashful Syaoran, fearful of rejection. Though Sakura   
would never be able to reject that face and those soulful amber eyes. And that was when   
he smiled. A true and genuine smile, one that brighten up her days and weeks. Ever since   
that day, Sakura's life had been divided in to B.S. (NO intended pun ^^) and A.L. Before Syaoran   
and After Syaoran. It was a great feeling to be in love, oh yes it was, or at least she thought it   
was. Lately, however, she could sense an uncertainty in Syaoran's eyes and aura, as if he was afraid   
of something, someone.   
  
"Sakura, I have to tell you something..." Syaoran said as he gazed into his water.  
  
"Would you two like to order anything?" the waitress interrupted, much to   
Sakura's distress, but much to Syaoran's favor.   
  
"Yeah sure, can I have another glass of ice water?" Syaoran asked then turned to   
Sakura, as if instructing her to order something.  
  
"A glass of lemonade will do, thank you," Sakura hurried on.   
  
"Alright, I'll be right back with your orders."   
  
As soon as the waitress left, Sakura attacked.   
  
"So what were you saying?"   
  
"What was I?" Syaoran mumbled, "oh yeah, uh...see, my mom, she called me   
yesterday."   
  
Sakura knew where this was going.   
  
"She wants me home."   
  
Still the truth send her mouth open. "...home?"   
  
"Yes, she wants me to go back to China." Syaoran continued to stare at his glass,   
avoiding Sakura's gaze. "Next week."   
  
Next week... "Is it a visit?" Sakura asked.   
  
He shook his head slowly.   
  
"Oh."   
  
"I'm...sorry," Syaoran whispers.   
  
"Sorry?" Sakura looked down, then shook her head, "what do you have to be   
sorry for?"   
  
"For leaving you."   
  
Sakura smiled as she reached for his hand, frozen by the ice water. "Listen Syaoran, you   
have nothing to be sorry for, you taught me so much while you were here. Besides, it's   
been how long since you last saw your family? I'd say it's about..."   
  
"But in the midst of all this...?"   
  
"I can take care of it," Sakura reassured. "I am the Clow Mistress, no?" she   
beamed at him .  
  
"I don't know when I'll be coming back."   
  
"I'll wait for you."   
  
"Sakura...I," Syaoran paused, "...thank you," he finally made out.   
  
All she could do was smile, smile and not let her face show how broken up she   
was inside. Funny how one minute she was on the top of the world, and next, thrown   
among its confusion, fate, and bad luck.   
  
"I'll wait for you."   
  
  
***   
  
  
The air was unfamiliar to his nose, but so familiar to his heart. This really was   
where he belonged, he found his head telling him. Syaoran walked through the busy airport, in   
search of a sign that read 'We're here little wolf!' work done by one of his older sisters of   
course. Instead, he found his eyes meeting his mother's.   
  
Syaoran swallowed.   
  
"Mom." he took off the cap he was wearing, "hi."   
  
"Syaoran..." The next thing he felt was his mother's gentle embrace. No matter how   
much Syaoran had grown, he still felt so little in those arms. "Welcome back."  
  
"Xie Xie (thank you)," Syaoran replied in Chinese. It had been a while since he spoke Chinese,   
and although his writing skill severely plummeted, Syaoran knew he could never forget the   
language he grew up in.   
  
"Your sisters are very anxious to see you," Mrs.Li said. "They are cooking   
a feast, for your welcome back party."  
  
Syaoran groaned, "no they didn't."   
  
Mrs.Li smiled, "they did, and they are making it a big deal too. Everyone is   
coming Syaoran, our friends, our neighbors, your friends, your teachers, so remember to be   
respectful."   
  
Syaoran nodded. Everyone is coming? He let the sentence settle in his mind. Everyone.   
Did everyone include...her? It had been so long since he last saw her. No phone calls, no   
letters, no messages, nothing from her. But surely, she would be there, surely...  
  
Syaoran stopped himself. He still cared. No matter how much he had tried over the   
years, he still couldn't break the habit, he cared so much for her. Even when he was   
gazing at the moon with Sakura, he had wondered if Meiling was marveling at its beauty   
also. Syaoran shook his head. No, he couldn't do this to Sakura. The image of her luminous   
green eyes sedated him; he really does love Sakura. But...  
  
"Syaoran..." Mrs.Li's hand draped gently over his shoulder, "we are home."   
  
Home.   
  
Home. It really was his home. The familiar house had always stood closer than   
the little apartment he had in Japan.   
  
Syaoran dragged his luggage, breathing deeply. He had never felt better. This was   
where he belonged; even if he was a card captor; even if he did adore Sakura; This would   
always be where he would be belong. Where he grew up and learned the basic morals of   
life, where he trained and made friends.   
  
Friends? Did mother say my friends will be here? Syaoran nearly laughed. He knew   
very well he never truly made any friends in China. Well, none except for her, Syaoran sighed   
again.   
  
"WELCOME BAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKK!!!" voices rang in his ears, stunning him for a second.   
  
The nerves, they are trying to give me a heart attack. Syaoran breathed.   
  
"Oh baby wolf, we've missed you so," Syaoran felt his cheeks being pinched, his head   
being kissed, his shoulders being massaged and his body being pampered. Actually...it   
wasn't too bad of a feeling, Syaoran decided a moment later. After who knows how long, his   
older sisters finally left him free, but then was he shoved into a barrage of 'meet and   
greets'. Actually, 'meet and greets' wasn't an exaggeration. People Syaoran couldn't remember   
(mainly classmates) came, and on came a roll of, "oh yeah! Of course I would remember   
you." He didn't mind it though, because somehow Syaoran felt it was worth it. It will all be   
worth it when I see her.  
  
But he didn't. Syaoran greeted all that needed to be greeted. The familiar and the   
unfamiliar, the respected and the unrespected, the known and the unknown. No Meiling   
nonetheless, no traces of her. Syaoran fell onto the couch after the tedious night. Where could   
she be? She couldn't have disliked him this much, could she? Sure, he wasn't exactly the   
nicest when they were back in Japan, in fact, it made him cringe remembering how he   
had treated her, but still...still...  
  
"She doesn't know about this, Syaoran," Mrs.Li whispered.   
  
Syaoran blinked. "What?"   
  
"Meiling. She doesn't know you came back."   
  
She never ceases to amaze me, Syaoran thought, but he didn't have the time to go into   
her prophet abilities. "Why? My sisters couldn't have possibly forgotten..."   
  
Mrs.Li shook her head. "Oh they've tried. Believe me they tried."   
  
"Then why?" he inquired like a child.   
  
"To make a long story short...Meiling, when she came back from Japan wasn't the   
one anyone had remembered. She no longer smiled, she just looked lost. So her family   
pampered her, gave everything she could ever wanted. Still, they failed to make her   
regain her familiar aplomb." Mrs.Li peered at Syaoran, who looked down and away.   
"Then one day, when she was thirteen, she ran away."   
  
Syaoran's eyes grew big. "Ran away?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Did they find her?" Syaoran asked desperately. Please don't tell me they still haven't   
found her and that was the reason why she isn't here, he entreated.   
  
"They did. Actually, she came back on her own two weeks after. However, that   
was when trouble really begun. This Meiling was again, different, she was confident again,   
confident and self-efficient, but...never happy. Then one day she asked to leave.   
Somehow she convinced her parents to let her leave..."   
  
"Where is she now?" Syaoran asked.   
  
Mrs.Li shook her head, "only her parents know."   
  
"What are you saying? That, that she's living on her own? Not going to school?"   
Syaoran stuttered in disbelief.   
  
"Perhaps she's living on her own, but apparently still getting an education. She   
took an entrance exam to high school and got one of the highest scores," Mrs.Li   
said. "But she never went to school, Meiling's here, but not."   
  
"I can't believe it." Syaoran whispered.   
  
"Times change, Syaoran. You must be aware of that."   
  
"But living on her own? Is she crazy? Insane? Where does she live? How does   
she afford it? Why is she doing this?"   
  
"I was hoping you could answer that question," Mrs.Li murmured.  
  
Syaoran froze. "I...I don't know. Why would I know?"   
  
With that he fled to his room, found a pillow and proceeded on burying his head   
under it. "Crazy, stupid, Meiling. Crazy, stupid Meiling." He whispered till tears ran down   
his cheeks. Crying, was he really crying? Yes, the salty liquid was good prove. But why?   
Why was he crying. Li Syaoran never cries. Yes, he was worried, worried about her. But   
why? Was it because he needed to see her again? Needed her nagging? Needed her   
pampering? Or was it because he knew why she left and became a recluse?   
  
Because of him.  
  
  
***  
  
Spying. One of her favorite past times. Meiling saw Syaoran the first time by spying.   
Mere children then, she wondered about the kid whose martial art was already above   
average. Meiling still remembered that day, when she peered into his yard and watched Syaoran  
punch and kick furiously... with his face bright red, furrowed eyebrows and sweat   
streaming through his white shirt. Still, he looked so...beautiful, like something of nature,   
so raw, and so free. That was when she decided she wanted to be exactly like him. She   
was going to be strong just like him, strong, determined and beautiful...just like him.   
  
But Meiling also remembered the other time she spied on Syaoran. He was with Sakura,   
WITH Sakura AND laughing with Sakura. No one had ever made Syaoran laugh, or really even   
smile ... no one except for her. It was then she knew she had lost. She had lost it all...lost   
it all to Sakura, lost it all to perfection and destiny's child. It was then had Meiling truly   
felt alone, left in the cold, a dried leaf inside a body. It was then did she break down and   
cry, neglecting all the discipline the Li clan had taught her. It was then did she give up,   
on herself, on life itself.   
  
So vulnerable, Meiling thought in disgust. She was such a vulnerable child. But no   
more, no more that Meiling. She wasn't going to be stepped on anymore, not on the   
outside, and not on the inside either.   
  
Meiling stopped walking and turned to the window she had often spent time   
looking at when she was little. Inside laid Syaoran, still clothed and asleep on his bed. Meiling   
held her breath; this is definitely one of the riskiest spy mission she had ever been on.   
  
Suddenly, she was vulnerable again, knees of jello, heart of butter kind of   
vulnerable. Syaoran looked so peaceful, almost like a little kid again, so happy to be back   
home, and yet...are those tear stains? Why would he cry? Can he not stand being away   
from Kinomoto for one day? Meiling closed her eyes. How careless he was, leaving his   
windows open; did he want to be eaten alive by mosquitos? She reached for the windows   
only to find herself staring at him again. Syaoran had grown, perhaps a couple more inches. His   
hair was longer too. Still, it rested reckless on his head. She suddenly needed to see his   
eyes. Oh how she longed for those amber eyes in her most lonely nights. But those lonely   
nights no longer mattered, as today was the day where it all ends. That is, if it hadn't 5   
years ago. Meiling barely touched Syaoran's forehead as she leaned to kiss him, a tear sliding   
down her cheek against her will. A sniffle and a pride to keep, she gently nudged his   
window shut and left.   
  
***  
  
Syaoran rang the Li's (Meiling) residence's door bell.   
  
"Name?" The computer questioned, startling Syaoran. Meiling's family was never behind   
technological advances.   
  
"Uh...Syaoran."   
  
"Computer does not have registration, please state full name."   
  
"Li Syaoran."   
  
"Thank you. Please allow processing." The door flashed opened a second later.   
  
"Syaoran?" It was Meiling's mother, who held a skeptical expression.  
  
"Hi Aunt Li," Syaoran bowed politely, then felt flustered, realizing that was a Japanese   
custom so half waved instead, "hi."   
  
"Come on in," Mrs.Li smiled gently, a smile that had often comforted Syaoran.   
Meiling's mother had been someone he could confide in. Unlike his mother, who he felt   
more of less aloof to because of her great disciplinarian manner, Mrs.Li was more, well,   
motherly.   
  
Stepping into the house, Syaoran noticed the splendor of it hadn't changed. Although   
material things such as the T.V. and DVD machines were upgraded, the familiar fountain   
of the 8 gods crossing the sea (Chinese folktale) still stood in the middle of the living   
room.   
  
"Have a seat," Mrs.Li motioned. "Would you like any tea?"   
  
"That's okay," Syaoran sat on the couch.   
  
"Coke then?" she smiled playfully.   
  
It was as if nothing was wrong...Syaoran thought. "Thank you but I'll be fine."  
  
"Alright then, what can I do for you?" she questioned.   
  
"I just came back from Japan yesterday."   
  
"Yes I know, I'm sorry I couldn't attend your party, but we had some errands to   
run."   
  
We? Some hope sparked in Syaoran's chest. "It's okay. Aunt Li, I came because I   
would like to know where Meiling is. She wasn't at my house yesterday."  
  
Although Mrs.Li held her smile, Syaoran could see a slight faltering in her expression.   
  
"Meiling?"   
  
Syaoran nodded.   
  
"Why?"   
  
The question caught Syaoran off guard; why? Why? "Because, she's my friend."   
  
"Well then, in that case, does the answer she's fine satisfy you?" there was a   
certain coldness he felt from her voice.   
  
"No." Begin Syaoran. "No. I would like to know where she is."   
  
Mrs.Li stared at Syaoran for a while, as if scrunizaing him to tell or not to tell.   
  
"Aunt Li, you are my last hope for finding her, and if don't tell me, I'll have to   
go search across Hong Kong, if she's in Hong Kong..."  
  
"Syaoran," Mrs.Li smiled again, "my daughter's wish is to tell no one where she   
resides, but I don't think she knows what she's doing anymore. So I'm putting this all on   
you; can you promise me something?"   
  
"Yes," Syaoran answered defiantly.  
  
"When I tell you where she is, I want you to take her back."   
  
"I...I will try." If she doesn't run away from me, Syaoran thought skeptically.   
  
"No, you will bring her back."   
  
Syaoran swallowed. "Okay, where?"   
  
"Shen Long (magic dragon) academy."   
  
Shen Long Academy...Syaoran let the words run through his head. The name was   
actually quite familiar to him. One of the most prestigious martial arts academy in the   
country, Syaoran had wanted to go there for his high school years. Destiny was the only   
restraint that stopped him from going there. Syaoran was relieved at first, knowing that Meiling   
was at least okay. A second later of pondering, however, he was worried again. Why   
wouldn't Meiling want anyone to know she's at Shen Long? It was an honor to be   
accepted into the school, a honor for not only her but the Li clan also.  
  
Nothing seem to make sense anymore.   
  
  
***  
  
Sakura wrote and rewrote kanji. If there's anything she liked about caligraphy, it   
was the fact that you don't have to think.  
  
Sakura dropped her pen, as she couldn't even do something as simple as making   
lines and curves. She was tired, sick and tired and bored.   
  
It turned out she missed Syaoran more than she thought she would. Sakura turned   
toward her computer to read the email once more.  
  
Sakura,   
I'm sneaking an email to you before my sisters drag me to breakfast. All is well   
over here. I guess I did miss China after all. Yesterday my sisters organized a 'welcome   
back' party for me. It was totally unnecessary, but I'd be a liar if I say I didn't like the   
food. Not to be disrespectful or anything, but a Chinese cuisine after years of bentos and   
raw fish tasted beyond excellent. Oh, Grandfather talked to me yesterday. He didn't   
mention anything about magic. Just kind of nodded and patted my head. Sometimes I   
wonder about him.   
So how are you? I hope everything's okay. Any battles lately? If you are in   
trouble, call me and I'll find some way to be right behind you.   
Take care  
Syaoran  
P.S. I love you.   
  
Sakura felt her cheeks redden with Syaoran's last words. She fell behind on to the bed.   
What a feeling it was...love. Though she couldn't help but to feel uncertain about Li and   
her; they were so young. But as long as it will last, I would be the happiest girl in the   
world. As long as it would last, she decided finally.  
  
  
***  
  
  
Dark. Everything was veiled by a layer of black. The trees, the rocks, the sky, and   
the road in front of him.   
  
Road. What road? Thought Syaoran. Never was he this frustrated. First he boarded the   
wrong subway; then the teacher said Meiling's out; then he stupidly decides to take a   
walk; then the sky darkened, a sign for him to turn back and what happens? He gets lost!   
  
Syaoran felt his nerves break with each stride. Then he heard something...a   
sound...close...Syaoran followed the sound as it became more distinct. He reached a clearing.   
In the middle of the clearing was...a person. A person!   
  
He was about to called out to them for help when the figure suddenly moved. No,   
moved didn't do justice, more like flied. It did spins, flips and kicks around the small   
area. The vague movement looked somewhat familiar.   
  
Then he heard something that was more familiar.   
  
Bells.   
  
The ensuing moments had him baffled. The figure jumped right in front of him   
and asked in an icy voice. "Who are you?"   
  
Although Syaoran could only see the outlining of her, it was more than enough. But   
that's when she moved in on him, the first strike was beside his neck, jolting Li back to   
reality. The next was the stomach, then the ankle, then the knee, then the ribs. He knew   
this, he knew the style. Syaoran blocked them all, but with barely sufficient skill.  
  
Then, feeling a lock behind him, Syaoran groaned as his shoulder shifted. The figure   
had brought him down on the ground.   
  
"Meiling, stop, it's me," he finally cried.   
  
The release was instant.  
  
"How...who? How did you know my name?"  
  
Ignoring the growing pain, Syaoran got up and faced the shorter girl. He saw a pair of   
eyes that flared even through black space. A pair of ruby eyes...  
  
"Meiling..." Syaoran whispered.   
  
The ruby jewels blinked, as if caught in a daze. "It's...you."  
  
Syaoran had visualized a couple of ways Meiling would react in his presence. None of   
them even bordered, 'it's...you...'   
  
The rubies snapped out of the daze, went into a second of frenzyness and alas, let   
its beauty fade.   
  
"Meiling!" Syaoran chased after the girl, who accelerated with each stride.  
  
It was the longest and most senseless chase he had ever been in. Eventually, their   
motion halted as Syaoran clasped Meiling's wrist around his fingers. A long silence later, a   
hushed voice asserted. "You know, you've changed."   
  
"And so have you Syaoran, so have you..."   
  
***   
End of part one. PLEASE REEEEEEVVVVVIIIIIIEEEEWWWW. I'll love you if you do. ^.^   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. I just say your name

Best I ever had - Part 2  
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfic   
by Iris C - silver_dreams10@yahoo.com  
Completed : April 19th 2001  
Copyrights apply.   
  
Recent developement : De-dubbed this too. :)  
  
Notes: Part II is...oh...quite lovely. ^.^ I must warn S+S fans, even if this fic contains S+S, it will   
be mostly between Meiling and Syaoran. I think I made Meiling more 'Meiling' in this chapter, not as   
calm or nonchalant. That's a good thing of course. ;D Once again, I don't want to hear any flames that   
criticizes Meilin/Meiling, go to an anti site to do that okay? Oh, I made up the Faze card   
of course, and if it is already in the series... oops. ^. ^ Much love, ~Iris   
  
Quote of the day from our beloved/abominated dub and from our beloved/abominated character :   
"Do I LOOK like a polar bear to you?!?" ~Meilin Rae (lol. What? I think it's funny :p)  
  
*Constructive criticism always welcome. Email me.*   
  
***  
  
The wind blew, initiating rustling among the restless forest. It was warm, crickets   
chirped non-stop. To the two figures in the mist of the umbrage, however, all were insignificant   
except two gossamer voices.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Why what?"   
  
"Why run away? Why ran off? Why here? Why change?"   
  
"What not? You'd be here with me if it weren't for all your card capturing," Meiling's   
voice softened, "and you would be here if you hadn't fall for Sakura."   
  
"Is this what it's all about? Sakura and I?"  
  
Meiling winced. No, she won't let her vulnerable side get the best of her, not yet, not ever.   
"You'd like to believe that wouldn't you? That Meiling Li will be forever jealous of Sakura   
Kinomoto huh? Well, guess what Syaoran? I'm not. In fact, I really don't care."   
  
"Then why are you like this?"   
  
"Like what? Like being my own person for once? Like not caring what the Elders' will   
say. Like not caring what you would do? What is it Li Syaoran? You think I'd be better off being the old   
me? The old me who let every single person step on her, and allow them to tear her apart? The   
old me who let the fact that I have no magic to condemn myself to worthless? The old me who   
boxed, wrapped and sent my heart in a gift bag to you, only to have a 'no such address' stamp on   
it?" Meiling cried.  
  
Silence descended upon the two once again, until Syaoran questioned. "What happened   
between us Meiling?"   
  
It wasn't the question that baffled her, rather the tone of his voice, cold mixed with   
warmth, sentiment mixed with indifference. "I don't know, and frankly, I don't think it matters."   
  
Syaoran shook his head. "Meiling, listen to me, you are going back home, and I'm not going   
anywhere till you come home with me!" he was demanding now.   
  
"Well, then, you might as well go be a monk." Meiling detested her sarcasm, but   
sometimes, they do the job of getting rid of people pretty well. Not Syaoran though, not Syaoran...  
  
"You have a whole life ahead of you Meiling, why become a recluse when you have so   
much?"   
  
Meiling snickered at that. "Ah, and 5 years later, the stoic become the sentimental. Remind   
me to give props to Sakura. I wonder what magic she used this time."   
  
Why was she so spiteful toward him? Oh yes...it was the only way to hold back the tears.   
Meiling answered her thoughts with a wry smile.   
  
He was getting a little ticked. "Li Mei Ling, you are coming back home, TO YOUR   
MOTHER, TO YOUR FAMILY, WITH ME, NOW."   
  
"And what? Be deserted once again?"   
  
Okay, he's ticked. "Shut up Meiling! Don't give me anymore of that! Stop wallowing in   
your pit of sorrow! You're not the only one with problems!"   
  
"What?!? YOU have more problems then? YOU who's adored by the elders, blessed with   
powers, loved by Sakura? YOU who has everything in the world? I don't want to hear it Syaoran!!!! I   
DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE PITIFUL PLEADINGS!! WHY ARE YOU HERE? DID MY MOTHER SEND YOU!?!?!   
Why are you here?! Why are you asking me back? Do you want to step on my heart again?   
Huh? DO YOU? DO YOU??!!!" she screamed.   
  
Syaoran felt his face deflate.   
  
"So is this your pity mission of the day? Oh but you tried so hard. It almost sounded like   
you cared..." Meiling whispered, the tremendous buildup caused her to stumble and fall on to her   
knees. Tears streaked down her flushed cheeks. "Why does everyone lie to me? You, mama, the   
elders, why...why...do you all pretend you care? I know I'm a burden, I know I'm a disgrace, I   
know... so why can't you all just leave me alone..." she sobbed.   
  
"Mei...ling..." Syaoran suddenly felt ashamed. How careless he had been with Meiling's feelings,   
how careless everyone had been with her feelings. It could have been that front, but she was so   
strong, so not like the girl in front of him...so strong...so...fake... Why hadn't he seen this before?   
Was he too dense? Too blind? Too arrogant to care?   
  
"Meiling..." he bent down to face her. "I'm sorry." he whispered sincerely. "I'm so sorry.   
Meimei." Syaoran embraced the frail girl. I never meant to hurt you, never ever....  
  
Her sniffles came like they would never end. Crying an ocean of tears...   
  
Why why why, Meiling bit her teeth. why can't she ever be strong. When can't she ever be   
like Syaoran and rid of her emotions? Why does her emotions always play games with her? Meiling   
wondered... but it was then she felt something alien, a tear, a cold tear that didn't belong to her.   
  
Could it be?   
  
She look up and saw his usually solitary eyes brimming with tears. Tears? From... Syaoran?  
  
They sat like this for a while. Two detached souls in front of another, on their knees,   
overwhelmed with emotions and yet nothing to say. Then suddenly, Meiling felt Syaoran's hands reach   
behind her and pulled her closer.   
  
Closer. Until he rested his head upon her shoulder.   
  
Closer. Until she could hear his pounding fervently against his chest.   
  
Closer. Until she cried her first tears of joy.   
  
  
***  
  
Home. One word could encompass so much : life, lost, pain, faith, truth, lies and love.   
Now however, home was just what it is : home. Meiling stood in front of her house, one which she   
hadn't seen for over a year. She couldn't believe she was back here again, back at step one, and   
all because of him. Everything was always because of him. Is that such a bad thing though?   
Shifting her feet nervously, she closed her eyes. "I can't do this Syaoran, let's go back." she turned   
around.   
  
"Sorry, not after I slaved your entire wardrobe here," Syaoran grinned playfully.   
  
Meiling pouted.   
  
"No, seriously" Syaoran lets down Meiling's luggage, "you can do this Meiling, you know you   
miss it here."   
  
"Yeah but what if mother doesn't..."   
  
"Meiling?" a voice filled with incredulity exclaimed.  
  
Meiling turned slowly. "Mama...." she closed her eyes when the weight of her mother   
countered hers, inherently, she felt a tear slid down her cheek.   
  
"My baby...my little girl," her mother whispered, and Meiling felt every restrain in her   
body break as she started sobbing.   
  
"I'm sorry mama, I put you and daddy through all my mess, I'm sorry."   
  
"Shh...it's okay, it's going to be okay."   
  
Maybe she had grown up a little too soon...  
  
***  
  
Syaoran's journal.   
  
There's an old adage that states 'true friends will never part'. I suppose according to   
Aunt Li's complete gratitude and faith in me may prove that Meiling and I never parted. But then,   
life really doesn't always work concuring to logic or philosophy. Life just works, and however   
the wheels turn out, one has to deal with it. As for Meiling and I, I now know we had part ever   
since Japan. I suppose that I, more or less let the world control my emotions, while Meiling forced   
her emotions to mold her perfect world. She failed at it of course, and the following years were   
consist of lies and deceit between us. Nonetheless, in the time we had spent apart from each   
other. We both learned what important roles we had played in each other's lives. In time we had   
grown and realized that even if life doesn't allow perfection, we can always adjust.   
  
That's exactely what Meiling's doing now, making herself busy in whatever project she   
could find. Just yesterday I found her at her garden, planting a sunflower, grinning like a little   
kid. It was as if the Meiling that had completely lost who she was faded into the night as the day   
approached. I was proud of her. Seriously, I was proud and happy for her. Still, I wonder if it was   
a temporary thing. I wonder if it's just a facade she's building for herself once again. Meilin is so   
hard to understand. She's not at all like Sakura, who was simply...pure and untainted by her   
world. Meiling held so many conflicting qualities that clashed, and sometimes, crushed her. So   
strong yet so weak. Maybe that's why I find myself staring at her so often, as if one slip she   
would falter. Maybe that's why I hadn't left even after mother gave me permission to go back to   
Japan. Maybe that's why I'm planning on talking to Aunt Li to take Meiling by my side   
again. Only this time, I would be the one following her.   
  
Funny. Somehow I feel like I'm the clashed one right now...  
  
***  
  
"Meiling! Syaoran's here to see you!" Mrs.Li yelled.   
  
"Okay, come in Syaoran!" Meiling yelled back.   
  
Syaoran pushed the wooden door open and saw Meilin's room the same as it had been. A shade   
of red was the only description he could think of.   
  
"I'm on the porch Syaoran." Meiling cried.   
  
The porch. Syaoran had always liked that porch of hers.   
  
"Hey," he pushed through the glass door and saw Meiling with a telescope.   
  
"Hey!" she gave him not a hug, but not a kick either, just a simple smile.   
  
"I never knew you had a telescope," Syaoran leaned against the railing and stared out. The   
Raes' house was build on one of those many mountain/hills in Hong Kong, therefore offered   
stunning scenery toward both the city lights and the faint stars.   
  
"I never knew I did either, till I cleaned out my closet."   
  
"Ahh..."   
  
"Huh...I feel like I'm in space," Meiling whispered, one eye gazing into her telescope that   
positioned upwards toward the sky.   
  
Syaoran turned to look at her. Meiling had one eye squeezed shut while the other concentrated   
into the hole of the instrument. A transient smile displayed on her lips as she 'piloted' her   
journey through space.   
  
"Hmmm..." Syaoran's sigh was barely above audio. "Hey Meiling?" He finally made out.   
  
"Yep," Meiling tore her eyes away from the telescope in order to face Syaoran. Suddenly, Syaoran felt   
assaulted by the pair of pure red eyes. "What?" Meiling questioned after he stood in silence.   
  
"I need to uh...talk to you," Syaoran mumbled awkwardly.  
  
"I presumed." Meiling laughed. "What's wrong with you Syaoran?" she hugged one of his arms   
like she had so many times before. "It's like you're afraid of me or something."   
  
Syaoran let his shoulders relax a little as Meiling rested her head against his. "Have you ever   
thought about going back to Japan?" he asked.   
  
"What?" Meiling pulled her head away from Syaoran's.   
  
"Japan," repeated Syaoran.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"I'm going back to Japan next week."   
  
Her eyes faltered. "You...you are?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
Syaoran could see her face fell for a second before she put on a bright smile. "Yes, of course,   
it's time. You have to capture your cards and go back to Sakura and..."   
  
"Meiling." Syaoran grabbed one of her hands. "I want you to come with me, I want you to come   
with me to Japan. I already talked to your mother and she's okay with it. So are the elders and..."   
  
Meiling pulled her hand away like an injured animal, her ruby eyes expanded till they were   
near circles. "You...you...what?"   
  
"I'm asking if you want to come to Japan with me. We could be partners again, like the   
old times..."   
  
Is he crazy? Meiling thought as Syaoran rambled on how wonderful it would be. She had always   
regarded Syaoran as rational and realistic, but she wasn't so sure anymore. Why? Because the Syaoran now   
sounded like he had either lost it, or had lost it. As far as she understood (much to her displeasure),   
there was no Meiling and Syaoran. There was just...Sakura and Syaoran, the magic people, the card   
captors, the destined. It took you five years to accept this, don't have a melt down now and get   
boiled later Meiling, she told herself. Yeah right, like you really really accepted it. You were   
forced into it Meiling. Her mind was fighting with her now.   
  
"You are joking right?" was her final reply.   
  
Syaoran felt slapped back into reality. "What? No, this is no joke."   
  
"Yes you are. I'm not a card captor, I can't help in any way, you said it yourself. I don't   
even have a camera to record your fights, although I wouldn't know why I would." Meiling   
muttered. "Wait, you're not doing this 'cause you can't cook and need a maid are you?" she   
accused.   
  
Syaoran nearly fell over. "no!! No!!! Really..." he laughed sheepishly. "You can be a help, of   
course you can. You can fight Meiling, real good too," Syaoran asserted, "but I guess I want you to   
come because I miss having you around..." a shade of red graced his face for a second.  
  
Meiling felt a tug inside, he did miss her, imagine that, maybe...maybe there is still a   
chance...   
  
"And Sakura, she misses you too. She emailed me yesterday and wanted to know every   
detail of how you are doing."  
  
Or not...  
  
"Really?" Meiling put on a fake smile. "that's thoughtful of her. I need sometime to think   
about this. Is that all right?"   
  
"Sure. No problem. I'm a phone call away," Syaoran got up and headed toward the door.  
  
"Wait, Syaoran!" Meiling called out.   
  
"Yeah?" Syaoran turned around.  
  
"I..." She felt herself blush, but why? Why is she nervous around Syaoran now? Urg urg urg,   
say something, don't just leave him there. "Good night."   
  
Syaoran smiled. "yeah, good night."   
  
***  
  
  
Meiling punched in the numbers, her fingers were shaking; her heart was beating; her   
nerves were breaking.   
  
"Hi, this is the Li residence. Please leave your message and we will get back at you."  
  
Answer machine...Answer machine?!?! What should she do now?  
  
"Beeeeeeep."   
  
Silence.   
  
"Syaoran?" a pause. "Hi Syaoran, this is Meiling, I... um...decided not to go to Japan because it's the   
middle of the school year and I just got back home and I don't want to desert mama already   
and... I guess I just can't. I wish you luck." she had never spoken so fast in her life.   
  
Meiling slammed the phone down hastily and felt all the blood sucked out of her veins.   
She fell on her bed, literally, fell...  
  
What had she done? Why did she do it?   
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. Meiling moaned. She's turning into a crybaby. All because of   
him! All because of him! Why is he deliberately torturing her? He knows she wouldn't be able to   
stand being useless against magic. He knows she couldn't live without him. He knows she   
couldn't watch him and Sakura, together, happy, the mistress and her protector.   
  
Damn it. Meiling cursed. It all comes down to this. It always comes down to this.   
  
***   
  
  
He had frequently visited the airport. It wasn't a place he particular liked. Everything was   
always in motion in the airport. Moving, strolling, chasing, hurrying, waiting. Nothing ever stood   
still. Everything was short lived and transient. Everything a blur.   
  
Syaoran doesn't need anymore 'blurs' in his life. He needed answers, correct answers, whether   
they are disheartening or not.   
  
He let her phone message invade his head again. She sounded hasty, nervous and almost   
frightened. Did it really all come down to this? Syaoran pondered. All the memories... a blur; all the   
times spent... gone; all the tears shared... dried; all the dreams mended... broken. What was the   
point in taking time when it was going to end like this?  
  
He was alone. The people around him doesn't acknowledge him. They had their own   
problems. He was, alone. No you are not. Syaoran reminded himself. You have Sakura. He thought of   
her and instantly saw her smile. Oh she had a lovely smile, one that kindles a certain warmth   
inside everyone around her. One so radiant everyone wanted bask in the simple bliss she   
offered.. Sakura was like an angel, goddess like, untamed.   
  
An angel. Syaoran frowned. Sakura was an angel. An untouchable angel...  
  
He shut his eyes. Now she, she was different. She wasn't an angel, or a goddess, or   
anyone of Divineness. She was simply...she. A brat, a braggart, a spoiled kid. A fighter, a   
dreamer, a chaser. Whoever she was, she claimed a spot in his heart that can never be replaced.   
Does it matter though? She's not coming. She's not coming with you, thought Syaoran. You'll never   
have useless gossip to ignore. You'll never have someone to complain about the cold weather.   
You'll never have 'clean up the apartment and no you are not getting out of it' days. You'll   
never have her friendship again. So it was true, once you lose something, you can never regain it.  
  
"Excuse me, can I sit here?"   
  
Syaoran snapped one of his eyes open and saw a finger, pointing to the seat next to him.   
"Sure," he begin to move his baggage away from the seat.  
  
Wait a second. Syaoran stole a look at the origin of the voice.   
  
He felt his jaw drop, "it's...you."   
  
The brat laughed.  
  
The braggart smiled.   
  
The spoiled kid shoved his bags away.   
  
The fighter claimed her seat.   
  
The dreamer turned to look at him with mischievous red eyes.  
  
The chaser said. "You didn't really think you could have gotten rid of me, did you?"   
  
Syaoran blinked. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.   
  
***  
  
"I guess, I am surprised," Syaoran nodded, "either way. I'm surprised you rejected my offer,   
but I'm also surprised you changed your mind."   
  
Meiling laughed. "I am too, especially since it was Kinomoto that changed my mind." She   
stared at her ticket and then Syaoran's, "hey, can I have the window seat?"  
  
"What? Sakura? Yeah, sure.."   
  
"Thanks," Meiling sighed happily as she plot herself down.   
  
"Wait, what about Sakura?" Syaoran asked as he sat next to her.   
  
"Sakura, she called me, and begged and whined. It was kinda funny. I told her if coming to   
Japan would shush her, so here I am," Meiling laughed.  
  
"You're kidding," Syaoran murmured. "I mean, cool."   
  
"You are surprised? I am too. Of all the people..."   
  
"Syaoran?" Meiling's voice quivered a little.   
  
"Yeah?" he stared at the back of her head as she focused her eyes outside the plane.   
  
"You and Sakura...how ...how serious?"   
  
Syaoran swallowed. " we, ... serious."   
  
"Oh." Meiling looked down.   
  
"Meiling," Syaoran frowned. He was hurting her again. He was hurting her every second in her   
presence. "I'm sorry." He was too, really sorry. Really sorry that he had lost her. Really sorry   
that they had lost each other.  
  
Meiling cradled her head with her hands. "No, it's not you who needs to be sorry," she   
looked up, and Syaoran could see crystal tears behind those glassy ruby eyes. "I'm sorry, Syaoran. I'm sorry   
I was such a drag to you and Sakura. I guess I knew it all along that I... That you and me are not   
possible. I promise I won't be trouble anymore. Promise." she avowed.   
  
You and me are not possible...  
  
Why?   
  
Why are we not possible?   
  
***   
  
"Syaoran!!"   
  
Approximately 1 minute after Syaoran and Meiling made it into their apartment, Sakura bursts   
into the 'household.'   
  
"I missed you so much!" she cried and planted a kiss on his lips.   
  
Syaoran blushed. "Hi Sakura."   
  
"Meiling-chan!" Sakura switched her arms around Meiling's next. "I'm soooo glad you've   
decided to come!" she squealed.  
  
"Alright Kinomoto. I got the point. Now let go of me before you choke me." Meiling   
muttered, sounding annoyed but amusement danced between her eyes.   
  
Syaoran smiled at the scene. Everything will be okay.   
  
"I'm going to unpack and see how Syaoran destroyed my room. Bye you two." Meiling waved   
simply and gave Syaoran a brief look, as if redeeming her promise.   
  
"See ya," Sakura waved warmly.   
  
"Bye..." Syaoran whispered, a hint of vexation in his eyes.   
  
"Ta ta." Meiling shut the door behind her.   
  
"I'm so glad you're back!!"   
  
Meiling slid down against her door, closing her eyes in attempt to block out Sakura and   
Syaoran's wonderful reunion.   
  
"Did you know I calculated when you would be here?" Sakura's voice chirped through   
the thick wooden door.   
  
"Urrrhhhh," Meiling moaned as she buried her head on top of her knees. Life's so not fair,   
so not fair to her. So deal with it. A voice said. I am!!! A part of her screamed. I just gave up Li   
didn't I!?!? She frowned, not another war with her mind. Meiling lifted her head as she took a   
notice of her room.   
  
It looked the same as she had left it.   
  
Her furniture were dust free. Her traditional Chinese dolls lined up against the book   
shelve; her carpet ivory; her blankets red;   
  
Syaoran hadn't change it into his training room, or office, or reading room, or... anything. He   
had kept it. Meilin smiled. He may have broken her heart, but all the little things he had done for   
her were mending it piece by piece.   
  
"Thank you," she found herself saying. "Arigato Onii-chan."   
  
Suddenly succumbed by lethargy, Meiling sprawled on to her bed and drifted to sleep...   
  
...   
  
"Meiling," a hushed voice called out.  
  
"Meiling," she felt a gentle shook on her shoulder.  
  
"Mei...Ling...!" the voice was directed in her ear this time.  
  
Meiling opened her eyes instantly, jolted by the cry. A pair of dark eyes greeted her, she   
breathed, "you scared me."   
  
"Sorry, Meiling, I had to get you up though. It's dinner."  
  
"Dinner?" Meiling got up and yawned. "Where's Sakura?"   
  
"She had to leave, some unfinished project or something. Come on, wake up already." Syaoran   
pushed her outside her room.   
  
"Yeah yeah, oh!!" Meiling gasped.   
  
Syaoran grinned.   
  
"Wow... Syaoran! What restaurant did you order from?" Meiling questioned. On the dinning   
table sat plates of diverse dishes from Chinese to Japanese.   
  
Syaoran sweat dropped. "I didn't order it from any restaurant. I cooked all of this for you."   
  
Her jaw dropped. "You? You did all of this?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"For me?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"When did you learn to cook?" Meiling cried in disbelief.   
  
Syaoran laughed. "You are such a grateful person Meiling."   
  
"Sorry," mumbled a smiling Meiling. "I was just joking." she took a seat and grabbed a   
pair of chopsticks. "Thanks Syaoran, thank you very much," for everything, Meiling added silently.   
  
"You are welcome."   
  
***  
  
~Weeks later~   
  
Meiling's journal.   
  
I wish I could say that I am content. After all, everything is perfect right now. Syaoran pampers   
me as if my heart would be scared for life with one wrong word. Occasionally, he'd plan these   
outlandish trips and activities for the two of us. Sakura included me in her 'group' like we had   
been friends forever. She calls me nearly every night for one thing or another. School was going   
lovely. The weather's lovely. The birds were lovely. My life was lovely. Everything was lovely,   
yet I can't help but to feel like it won't last long.   
  
And of course I would be right at something like this. As reality always find its way   
through build up illusions. Especially my illusions.  
  
  
***  
  
  
Pale moonlight drew shadows upon hallow streets, in attempt to drown the world in its   
sorrow. Meiling was awaken by a faint shuffling through the apartment. Years of training had   
made her a light sleeper, ready for counter anytime. Meiling tiptoed toward the door and peered   
outside, just in time to see Syaoran, in his fight costume, shutting the door behind him.   
  
Fight costume?   
  
It was 3:00 am in the morning. Meiling grimaced, she knew exactly where he was going.   
Shuffling through drawers and closets, she snatched the familiar apparel she had often wore.   
Meiling stood still for a second as her fingers grazed the smooth material. Syaoran had confronted   
her a couple days ago about how he wanted her to stay out of the card capturing business. She was   
against the proposal, but Syaoran was so obstinate she had promised to stay out of it.   
  
That promise was broken before it had been made.  
  
I'll prove to him that I'm strong, even if I am deprived of magic. Meiling vowed as she   
fleed into abiding darkness. I'll prove to you Syaoran, that Li Meiling is no quitter. Not by a   
long shot.   
  
***   
  
You could have easily known there was a Clow card on the lose. Syaoran was in his fight   
costume along side of Sakura, who held her wand tightly around her fingers, scrutinizing her   
'enemy'. Kero was fluttering restlessly while giving Sakura some useless advice, to occasionally,   
crucial ones. On the far side of the ferocious atmosphere stood Tomoyo, with a smile   
painted on her face and the familiar camera in her hands, ready to record the next act of   
'Sakura's adventures'.   
  
However, no one suspected the figure behind them. The girl ready to prove herself,   
whether out of ambition or foolishness. Her eyes burned with raging fire, staring at the Clow.  
  
It moved, swift and fleeting, glowing in pale yellow.  
  
"What is it?" Syaoran asked.   
  
"I don't know," Sakura replied.   
  
It moved again, heading straight toward the Clow mistress.   
  
"Sakura watch out!!!" Syaoran cried.   
  
Too late. The card whirled by Sakura, she felt her body hollowed out. It was a terrible   
feeling. As if the she was barren inside. She struggled, tried to make contact, but none worked   
until finally she was smacked into the ground.   
  
"Ow." A painful grunt was heard.   
  
Meiling winced.  
  
"Sakura!!!" Syaoran rushed by her, "are you okay?"   
  
"Fine." Sakura moaned.   
  
"Sakura and Syaoran! It's the Faze card! It's the Faze card! It drains your energy and slows up   
your motions! Don't move Syaoran, run till Sakura regains her strength or she won't be able to seal it,   
and you wearing it down would be useless." Kero informed.   
  
Syaoran grimaced. What a devil of a card. So is he going to have to just run? He can't just   
leave Sakura here on the ground! He can't out run that...thing...  
  
Of course, he doesn't really have much choices.   
  
Meiling stared as the Faze card ran toward Syaoran. It was fast, her steps so rapid Meiling could   
barely detect its movement. She was gaining up. Oh no, she was gaining up on Syaoran!!   
  
Meiling clutched her fists and steadied herself. "Come here you card! Come and try   
draining my energy!!!" Meiling emerged from cloaked shadow to the middle of the street,   
intercepting the Faze's chase to Syaoran.   
  
"Mei...ling." looking away from Sakura, Tomoyo couldn't help but to whisper.   
  
"Meiling?" Sakura's faint voice called.   
  
"Meiling?!?!" Kero cried in disbelief.   
  
"MEILING!!!" Syaoran screamed.   
  
The Faze switched its direction and headed toward Meiling.   
  
"Meiling! You..." Syaoran was in shock, "why are you doing here?!? Get out of here!!"   
  
His voice didn't each touch Meiling's thoughts. She concentrated on the Faze. It circled   
her, staring and squinting its eyes, inquisitive of her new found target.   
  
Meiling picked up her feet and broke out of her fight posture. "It's not polite to stare!!!"   
She rebuked and threw a kick.   
  
Contact.   
  
Meiling smiled in satisfaction, piece of cake.   
  
That wasn't the case exactly. Although Faze stumbled, she was right back up and was   
heading straight toward Meiling.   
  
Meiling made a fist and started to fight the card as if it could be conquered by kicks and   
punches.   
  
"She's crazy," Kero murmured, "but brave."   
  
Syaoran was fuming, he couldn't believed it! She had promised him! Promised! Promised she   
wouldn't get into the card capturing!   
  
"Stop it you stupid card!! Fight me!" Syaoran yelled, an attempt to stop the fight, now a blur   
between Meiling's wild punches and the Faze's circling. "FIGHT ME!!!" he charged at it, but the   
Faze card ignored him.   
  
Suddenly, Meiling stopped dead, her eyes looked empty and possessed as she collapsed on   
to the ground.   
  
"Meiling!!" Syaoran cried. Dammit. He thought.   
  
"Use your magic Syaoran. Sakura's okay now." Kero instructed.  
  
Syaoran called upon his lighting which jolted Faze.   
  
"SAKURA!" he cried in command for her to seal it.   
  
"Got it!!" Sakura got up, straining, "Faze card! Return to your power confined!"   
  
The card was sealed and flew into Sakura's hands.   
  
"Meiling!" Syaoran shook the defeated girl, who looked deathly pale.   
  
Sakura was terrified. "Meiling." she cried. "Meiling, wake up..."   
  
A moan was heard, Meiling stirred.   
  
A collective sigh was heard.   
  
"Hard to say this, but Meiling seems to be the hero of the night," Kero sat on Sakura's   
shoulder. "She put her heart out to beating Faze... crazy, but it probably saved us."   
  
Sakura nodded. "Yeah..."   
  
"I'm going to take her home," Syaoran's voice was brisk and ghastly.   
  
Sakura stared at Syaoran strangely as he brought Meiling up. She sensed icicles in his eyes, so   
very very cold... or was it anger? Exhaustion? Pain? She decided to leave it alone. It has been a   
long night.  
  
***  
  
She was cold, and so weak, never so weak in her life. Too weak to open her eyelids, but   
had to, had to...   
  
The sunlight, it hurts...piercing rays in her eyes. What happened?   
  
Warmth, in front of her face. What was it? Hot dying vapor... sweet sour aroma.   
  
"Soup?"   
  
Drained arduous voice.   
  
She looked up. Impassive angry eyes.   
  
She wanted to cry. "I'm sorry," her voice was deathly, like dry nails on a blackboard.  
  
The spoon was raised by her lips. "Soup?"   
  
She nodded and tried to get up. A sniffle escaped. It hurts, her back, her head, her body,   
the pain...burned, festered, intensified.   
  
A hand rushed behind her, lifting her, cradling her. The warm liquid delivered to her lips,   
on her tongue, down her throat, through her heart...  
  
***  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
*Digs out her Libra scale* Sakura and Syaoran...or Meiling and Syaoran...Sakura and Syaoran...or Meiling and   
Syaoran...Sakura and... Urg. What do you guys think? For this story, not your couples opinion. *sweatdrop*   
  
End notes : No, this is not the ending. ^^ Well, to part 2, yes. MEILING DEMANDS REVIEWS!!!!   
Stay alive for part 3. ^.~ hugs, ~ iris   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. 

Best I ever had - Part 3  
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfic   
by Iris C - silver_dreams10@yahoo.com  
Completed : April 30th 2001  
Copyrights apply.   
  
Notes: Ie..gods. Well, this story has just taken on an interesting course. So I realized if   
the fic was a S+S it would basic end in Meiling's independence (cuz I don't write S+S   
mush :p). Or this could be a Syaoran and Meiling fic sweet occ mush. I picked #2! *.*   
However, this does not change my opinion that Syaoran is an arrogant jerk and Meiling's   
lovable brat. ^-^   
  
Thanks to those of you that reviewed. Such lovely people. Lol.   
  
  
***  
  
It has been a week since the capture of the Faze card.  
  
And it really doesn't take a psychologist to figure that Syaoran was still mad at   
her. Sure, he was still worrisome and concerned about her, but Meiling swear she could   
see a hidden frown behind his every expression.   
  
"Syaoran, you are such a horrible actor," she suddenly blurted during a break of a   
soccer game in gym.   
  
Syaoran looked up from his water bottle, "what?"   
  
"I said. You are a terrible actor."   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Huh? Don't act dumb! I know you are mad at me, so you don't have to put up a   
front as if you are not."   
  
"I'm not mad," Syaoran retorted, "just disappointed."   
  
Meiling raised an eyebrow, "why? You sound like my dad. Why are you   
excluding me from card capturing Syaoran? It's my life too, you know. I've trained all   
my life for this too!"   
  
"You have no magic, Meiling," Syaoran inculcated.  
  
"SO? I helped with the Faze card didn't I?" her arrogance was catching up with   
her after leaving her for quite a while.   
  
"No, you got your self hurt," he mumbled, "unnecessary." His arrogance surfaced   
once again, after living in a dormant cyst. "Plus, you promised Meiling. Promised," he   
articulated, brown eyes piercing through Meiling's with such anguish it left her stricken   
for a while.   
  
Not willing to back down just yet, Meiling cried. "I said I was sorry didn't I?   
Why can't you just give me a chance, Syaoran?"   
  
Before Syaoran could respond, the whistle was blown and the game was resumed.   
Meiling sighed as she dug her foot in the soil, red eyes gleaming into Syaoran's brown   
ones.   
  
"Don't treat me like 10 year old, Syaoran," she murmured as the soccer ball was   
thrown in. A mob went after it.   
  
"Hey Meiling!!!" one of her teammates cried as he sent the flying soccer ball her   
way, Meiling caught it with her foot. Here it goes, she thought silently, smirking when   
she realized there was no defense for the other team. It was an easy goal.   
  
Until a leg intercepted, stealing the ball away from her.   
  
It was Syaoran.   
  
Meiling grunted her teeth. Not this time.  
  
She ran after him, sliding from underneath to get the ball. Syaoran grimaced,   
seeing he had lost the ball. Soon it became a tag of war between the two, losing the   
soccer ball to each other, once, twice, time and again until it was in midair.   
  
"Hiiiya!!" Meiling and Syaoran both leaped for the ball, only neither got the ball   
as their foot contacted. Two heavy breaths and grunts later, it was a complete chaos. The   
students watched in awe as the two teenagers started throwing kicks and punches at each   
other. Moving so swift and elegantly, the martial art combat could have very well been   
choreographed. However, the problem was the exact, it wasn't. A while later, both   
Meiling and Syaoran were bruised and out of breath, fighting without much cause except   
spontaneous bursts of emotion.   
  
A shrilling yell was heard from the gym teacher. Syaoran and Meiling finally   
stopped, gazing intently at each other as all kinds of words escaped from the teacher's   
mouth.   
  
***  
  
~After school~  
  
"What happened Syaoran? Is it true? Is it true that you and Meiling-chan fought?"   
Sakura demanded, a frustrated expression pasted on her face.   
  
"We fight all the time, Sakura," Syaoran replied nonchalantly.   
  
"Not physically!!"  
  
"Yes physically!" Syaoran turned to look at Sakura, then soften his tone, "we   
trained together remem..."   
  
Sakura shook her head. "I'm not going to believe that you just randomly decided   
you had to 'train' with her during a soccer game."   
  
"I didn't! She did. Well, we both did!" Syaoran frowned, what pathetic responses.   
Why did they fight? It really didn't make sense. Both of them just... exploded. "Meiling   
lied me, she followed me and got into that Clow card fight. She promised me she   
wouldn't."   
  
"Syaoran..." Sakura whispered, "maybe you ought to think what it's like to be in   
her shoes. Meiling's not 10 anymore, she's 15. She's accomplished and can really really   
fight..."   
  
"I know she can!" Syaoran was exasperated. "I know, I know! But I don't want   
her to get hurt! You didn't see her in China, Sakura. She was in pieces. Just because she's   
strong on the outside doesn't mean she's iron inside!" he looked away.   
  
Sakura gazed at Syaoran strangely, she had never seen him so angry and   
distressed before. "Oh Syaoran... it's going to be okay," Sakura pulled him into a hug,   
"Meiling's going to be okay."   
  
Syaoran gently pulled away from the hug, "I think I'm going to take a walk,   
Sakura."   
  
"Want me to come?"   
  
"No, it's all right, I want to be alone."   
  
"Oh... okay," Sakura murmured.   
  
"I'll see you," Syaoran turned and walked away.   
  
"..I love you," Sakura frowned. What was going on with Syaoran? Ever since he   
had returned from China, she felt his aura cold again. No, it wasn't cold, it   
was...protective, a sense that he's not willing to throw his heart too far out.   
  
Could it be? Could it her? Meiling?   
  
***   
  
  
Silence. The door opened. Silence. The girl slept peacefully on the couch. Silence.   
He gently tugged her in with a blanket. Silence. He stared at her, the blue black hair and   
ruby red lips.   
  
Syaoran rubbed his sore chin, caused by the miscalculation of her punches.   
Meiling really had gotten superior in her art. Maybe Sakura was right. Maybe he was   
treating Meiling as if she was a child. Sometimes he tend to forget that he wasn't that   
much older than she.   
  
Her eyes suddenly snapped open, as if she had sensed his presence.   
  
They stared on, silently, either willing to smash the shard stopping time.   
  
"I'm sorry, Syaoran," Meiling broke the silence, "I don't know what happened   
with me. I guess I was just so angry that you're treating me like I'm... a damsel in distress   
or something."   
  
Syaoran fell onto the couch. "Meiling I..." he looked up and saw her face, invaded   
by pain and confusion, "I..." the words were caught up in his throat.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"I DON'T want you near Sakura and me when we are capturing the Clow cards,"   
Syaoran winced immediately after the spoken sentence. That did not come out right.   
  
Meiling was taken back by the coldness of his voice. But what thwarted her was   
how he formed his sentence. Sakura and I... What was she? Chopped liver who was   
nothing but a restrain? "Fine, if it makes his excellency happy, I will stay out of the way   
and just be his little friend who will remind him of the old times," said Meiling bitterly.   
She pushed herself up and left for her room.   
  
Syaoran wanted to smack himself, he followed Meiling. "No, Meiling! I'm sorry.   
I'm not too good at verbal communications! I'm..."   
  
She slammed the door in front of his face.   
  
A Meiling tantrum.   
  
Uh-oh.   
  
"Meiling...?" he knocked on her door. Dammit, he sank down by her door,   
"Meiling? I'm sorry, really. I know I've overused that word, but I got to use it again."   
  
Meiling was on the other side of the door, listening.   
  
"It's just that I, I don't know how to act around you anymore, Meiling. I feel like I   
could hurt you no matter what I do. Before I was treating you too cold, now I'm too over   
protective. I just don't want anything happening to you that's all, Meimei," he explained,   
"Meiling? Tell me how to act, I'll do it. Tell me what I'm doing wrong, tell me..."   
  
He fell on her feet as the door swung open.   
  
"Moving, Syaoran. That was the most eloquent speech I've heard from you," Meiling teased.   
  
"You're not mad?" he beamed.   
  
"Yes I am."   
  
"You're not!" he got up.   
  
Meiling looked down and shrugged. "I don't want to play any more games, that's all."   
  
Syaoran nodded. "Yeah, you're right," a pause, "so what is? Do I have the kitchen   
AND bathroom duty now?"   
  
"And the grocery."   
  
"Hey! Is that fair?"   
  
"Of course it is."   
  
"Nah-uh."   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"Nah-uh."   
  
"Uh-huh!!"   
  
"Nah-uh!"   
  
"UH-HUH!!!"  
  
"All right all right!" Syaoran groaned inwardly. Whoever said guys are more   
domineering than women must have been drunk.  
  
  
***   
Meiling yawned, letting the cascading sunlight wake her little by little. So it was   
another Saturday. Another day to bask in the sun and feed on its rays. Another day to   
pass without any regrets. Another day to ride the roller coaster of life.   
  
There was a knock on the door.   
  
"Come in, Syaoran."  
  
"Hey Meiling," he wore a smile on his face, as if the incident yesterday was   
nothing but a faint speck on pure jade, "guess where we're going today."   
  
Another planned day with Syaoran, who will bring Kinomoto who will bring Daidouji.   
  
"Where?"   
  
"Hiking."   
  
"Hiking?"   
  
"Yeah. I thought maybe we could go to Okasa mountain and take a hike."   
  
"Really? Cool," and she meant it too, it's been a while since she had been in the   
nature. "When's Sakura and Tomoyo meeting us?"   
  
"Subway in...30 minutes," Syaoran said.  
  
Meiling blinked, "30 minutes?!?!? What? I won't have time to get dressed and eat   
and do stuff and.." Meiling went into a frenzy of assembling.   
  
"I'll take that as a yes then!"  
  
***  
  
Hiking is fun. Anyone who disagrees obviously hadn't spent a quality day on the   
mountains with your favorite friends; obviously hadn't felt the ascendance to the clouds;   
and obviously, hadn't chased over a butterfly and argue where to let it go.   
  
However, the best time on the mountains will always be at night. Night. When the   
stolen peace took over earth with the last gold ray sinking behind the horizons. However,   
darkness didn't mean silence or the absence of mischief. Night on the mountains for   
example, is the complete opposite of that. Night on the mountains meant bonfires and   
stories and cuddles.   
  
Meiling stared as Syaoran brushed a piece of melted marshmallow off of Sakura's   
cheek, the mere motion caused the girl to giggle.   
  
Stifling a groan, she turned her gaze back to her own marshmallow, which was   
burning in red fire. Today had been fun, very much fun. She felt she had bonded with   
Sakura over a short afternoon. Meiling realized past all the competition between herself   
and Sakura, they really could get along. Yes, they were different, exceeding different, but   
Sakura is an easy friend to make. She's always willing to listen and commiserate. Meiling   
admired her for that.  
  
Her marshmallow was in danger of being devoured by the cackling fire. Yet, it   
doesn't change anything. Meiling knew she will never be able to stand the sight of the   
girl; no matter how much she tries, Kinomoto will always stand as her adversary.   
  
Syaoran had his arms around Sakura now; had his arm around her while feeding   
her a marshmallow. Meiling switched her gaze toward Tomoyo, who was smiling as she   
set up her equipment to cook some fish. Smiling. How does that girl always smile?   
Meiling knew Tomoyo loved Sakura more than a friend. She couldn't think of anyone   
that couldn't see that. Well, anyone except Sakura. So fate was cruel to them both. But   
Meiling had resisted putting on a smiling mask to pretend everything was okay. That was   
lying, and she refuses to lie to anyone, especially to herself.   
  
The marshmallow was burnt now, consumed by hungry fire. Meiling threw her   
stick into the fire and got up.   
  
"I'm going to go take a walk, be back soon,"   
  
Syaoran frowned, "now? It's pretty dark."   
  
"Don't worry, I'll just be at the greens, if you need me, just yell," said Meiling..   
  
"Well, come back soon, I'll have the fish done," Tomoyo beamed.   
  
"Yes, yes."   
  
"Be careful and don't go anywhere too far okay?" Syaoran called as Meiling walked away.   
  
"Yes, Daddy, and I won't talk to strangers either!" Meiling yelled back, causing   
a fresh round of giggles from Sakura.   
  
***  
  
And finally, there was peace. Meiling lied against the cool grass and stared at the   
yellow Moon; Proud, beautiful and dignified, it radiated only on the dark nights; not   
willing to share its beauty with unworthy people. Poor poor Moon, thought Meiling, too   
vain to realize it's alone and perhaps always will be. She turned around to face the grass   
and picked up a dandelion. Now, a dandelion is different. A dandelion was strong,   
unpredictable and lovely. Strong to survive in yards and hills. Unpredictable to pop up in   
a day. Lovely; as you can never play he loves me & he loves me nots without smudging   
its petals together. Thus, the only result you get is tinted yellow fingers.   
  
It would be very cool to be a dandelion. Much better than a rose, or a Moon...   
  
"Meiling..."   
  
She looked up. "Syaoran."   
  
"Tomoyo-san's done with the fish. Come and eat now?"   
  
Meiling shook her head. "Just a little while Syaoran, tell Daidouji to save me an   
eye or something," she laughed, "mama said they're the best part of a fish."   
  
Instead of leaving, Syaoran sat beside Meiling.   
  
"You are still mad at me, aren't you?"   
  
Meiling turned in confusion. "Mad? Why should I be mad?"   
  
"Because I keep saying you can't capture cards when you have every right to."   
  
Meiling shook her head. "That's not true. I don't have magic, Syaoran.   
Remember? And magic separates all," a pause, " What's it like having magic? Is it any   
different? Do you feel different?"   
  
Syaoran shook his head. "No, not really..."   
  
Meiling frowned. "Don't lie, I bet it feels really cool..."   
  
"Meiling, I'm sorry."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"For not having magic. I...I wanted you to have magic. Honest. I didn't want to be   
alone, I thought we could be in this together and when the elders said you didn't, I was   
angry too. It's not fair Meiling, it's not fair."   
  
"You think?"   
  
"But it's a good enough reason why you mustn't get into this card capturing thing.   
It's dangerous, Meiling, I don't want you hurt."   
  
"Sometimes," continued Syaoran in a small voice, "I wish everything was the   
same. I wish it was like the old days. Do you remember Meiling?" he turned to face her,   
"I would get up earlier and earlier each day just avoid your pestering, but you would just   
get up earlier and earlier to continue your pestering until the elders finally granted you to   
train with me?" a dim smile lit on his face, "I hated it at first. I hate training with   
someone near me. But then I had other reasons to hate training with another person a few   
months later. You were good, Meiling, exceptionally good. I overheard the elders talking   
once, they mentioned of how they had so much hope for you as a card captor," a cloud   
hovered over his eyes, "it isn't fair. You are the perfect card captor. It isn't fair that fate   
has denied you and chose me."   
  
Meiling stared at Syaoran in confusion. Both of them knew that he was the better   
of the two. She may have enough physical skills, but Meiling knew her senses can never   
be as keen as Syaoran's. And besides, when did Syaoran become so passive? So   
nostalgic? So not Syaoran?  
  
Her. It was always her. She even managed to change stone cold Li to sensitive   
Syaoran.   
  
Meiling clutched her fist.   
  
She shook her head furiously. "I don't care Syaoran! I don't care if I don't have   
magic. I don't care if I can't fight the cards! I don't care if the elders are disappointed at   
me!!" she cried. All I want is you Syaoran...you... "What does she have Syaoran? What   
does she have that I don't? How does she have the power to change you? How come I   
can't? Am I ugly? Am I too pushy? Why Syaoran? Why? Why do you love her and not   
me? Why can't I be her? How do I be her?" bubbles of built up emotions traveled from   
the bottom of her spine to the tip of her throat.   
  
Syaoran looked confused at first, but then softened his expression. "You are not   
her, Meiling," he whispered, "and I don't want you to be her. I want you to be you. You   
are fine the way you are."   
  
"NO Syaoran. You love HER. You don't love me! You don't and you never   
will!"   
  
Puffy red eyes and nose, messy hair sticking to her chin, her tears stained her pale   
cheeks to flushed. But still, she was beautiful, with a rural expression mixed with every   
emotion possible to describe a precocious girl. "I'm such a weakling..." she moaned and   
shook violently.   
  
"Meiling," a pair of arms steadied her, comforted her.   
  
His eyes were amber under the dim moonlight. An amber so captivating they   
froze her tears. Syaoran brushed her blue-black hair away from her cheeks.   
  
"Don't cry Meiling. I don't want to see you cry..."   
  
He stared into her ruby eyes, luminous by her tears. He stared at her lips, ruby red.   
  
Then he kissed her, merely a brush against the lips. No, a graze, but enough to   
cause Meiling's eyes to expand and enough to make Syaoran fumble.   
  
He froze, in shock.   
  
Meiling stared at him, her mouth slightly open.   
  
"I'm...I'm sorry..." he stumbled up and practically ran away.   
  
Meiling turned back to the fazing Moon. It was still alone up in the black sky.   
Still so very very alone.  
  
  
  
  
To be continued....  
  
Notes : Poor Syaoran, he's the confused one. Poor Meiling, she thinks she's the confused   
one. Poor Sakura, she knows everything. Poor Tomoyo, I failed to explore her character   
in this. Poor me, why do I ALWAYS end up writing such sappy stuff??!?!??! .  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Grey sky morning

Best I ever had - Part 4  
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfic   
by Iris C - silver_dreams10@yahoo.com  
Completed : May 29th 2001  
Copyrights apply.   
  
Notes : this is after the hiking trip. *.*  
  
More notes: I think I hurried through this chapter a little. I'm on a crusade to experiment   
with other writing styles, so this chap has kind of an expatiated thing goin' on as I'm   
thinking of a new project. ^.^ Such a fickle person. Oh, the drama in this one is also kind   
of...classic. ~.~ I think it's too many TVBs.   
  
***   
  
Syaoran sprawled on the couch, but his body was tense, his eyes were perplexed,   
and his mind... oh his mind was an utter and complete mess.   
  
What was he thinking? What was he thinking? How could he have done that?   
How could he have kissed her? Oh lord. Syaoran slammed his head against the cushion.   
He was losing it. How could he have done that?!?!? On top of everything he had done   
already! Was he destined to fail in human relations?   
  
Switching his gaze to the porch, Syaoran saw Meiling sitting on a chair, staring at   
the sky silently. She had been there for the past hours, just there, not crying, not laughing.   
Ever since the trip they hadn't spoke except answering a few of Sakura's ice breakers.   
  
Sakura. Syaoran wanted to bonk his head again. Oh what was he going to do   
about Sakura? Should he tell her? Tell her and explain? Explain what you jerk! He yelled   
at himself. He doesn't even know where to begin. One minute he was chatting with   
Meiling, next he felt guilty, and then he just spontaneously KISSED her??!?! Ha! That'll   
do good.   
  
Guilt? He kissed her because he was guilty because he was in love with Sakura   
and not her?? Syaoran turned again, staring at the back of Meiling's head. Guilt...was it   
guilt? Was it? He reflected on Meiling's expression after the kiss. She was stunned of   
course. Yet she looked lovely, overcame by both agony and passion, glowing with a   
burning aura so strong he could have melted if he had stayed a second longer. That's it. It   
wasn't guilt. He kissed her. He needed her. He wanted her. Whether in a sexual way or   
mentally, he doesn't know. He just knows he cannot get the image of her broken face as   
he staggered away. What a jerk he was.   
  
Oh no, wait. What was wrong with him?   
  
You love Sakura.   
  
You love Sakura.   
  
Syaoran inculcated. You do! Don't you remember?!? The airport, the teddy bear?   
The first time you told her you loved her? The promises you made? How happy she had   
made you for the past five years? How no matter what shape you are in, she's always   
willing to cheer you up? Is this how you repay her? By kissing another girl?   
  
He had to tell her. Tell her and hope she would understand. Sakura would. If   
anyone in the world would. It would be Sakura...yes Sakura. Syaoran reached for the   
phone and nearly jumped when it rang before he could reach it.   
  
"Hello?" Syaoran picked up the phone.   
  
"Sy...Syaoran?"   
  
"Sakura?"   
  
"Meet me outside, at that little park by your apartment."   
  
He was about to ask why but then decide against it. "Okay, I'll be there," he   
gently put the phone down and started a run toward the park. He had to tell her now.   
He'll tell her everything.   
  
Much to his surprise, she was there already, standing by the water fountain while   
shifting her feet uncomfortably.   
  
"Sakura," he called out her name.   
  
She looked up, but didn't smile like she would usually.   
  
"Syaoran."   
  
He went to give her a kiss on the cheek, but Sakura stopped him by turning away.   
  
"We need to talk, Syaoran," she made out.   
  
Syaoran blinked, "hai... you're right."   
  
He took a deep breath, here it goes...   
  
"SYAORAN, I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER ANYMORE,"   
Sakura blurted before Syaoran could speak.   
  
Syaoran exhaled, his mouth opened in shock, "Wha...what?" he questioned out of   
incredulity.   
  
Sakura stared down, her eyes blurring as she whispered. "I don't think we should   
be together anymore," every word was piercing through her heart. "I thought about it for   
a long time Syaoran, but I think I'm doing the right thing. You...ever since you returned   
from Hong Kong, I feel like you are a different person. I neglected at first, but I can't   
anymore, Syaoran. I can't see you anymore. I use to be able to help you. But I can't even   
tell what you're thinking." She looked up, on the verge of tears.   
  
A moment of silence before Syaoran shook his head repetitively, taking Sakura's   
hands. "No, Sakura, I love you, don't do this to me, don't do this to us..."   
  
She backed away. "Syaoran, don't blind yourself anymore," she sobbed, "I love   
you Syaoran, but I can't when you love someone else."   
  
Someone else?   
  
"What?" he backed away.   
  
"Don't lie anymore. I can see it in your eyes," she cried. "You love someone   
else."  
  
Syaoran clutched onto his chest, using the motion to abate the thumping of his   
heart, which was beating in such intense degree he felt paralyzed.  
  
"You do love her don't you?" Sakura softened her voice, "you can deny it, but I   
can tell." Sakura reached for him, "you are different around her, Syaoran, calmer,   
happier. Like...with me a while ago," she held a sad smile.   
  
"Sakura..."   
  
"I know if you think about it, you would see that I'm right."   
  
***   
  
11 o'clock.   
  
It was 11 o'clock at night.   
  
Meiling glanced at the clock nervously. Where on earth is he? She scanned the   
desolate streets of their neighborhood through the window, tapping her fingers against the   
windowsill. She knew that she shouldn't be worried about Syaoran, as Syaoran was self   
sufficient the day he could walk. Still, at this hour, oh where oh where...   
  
The door to the apartment creaked. The low and hideous creak sent shivers down   
Meiling's body, but the figure behind the door frightened her more.   
  
Syaoran.   
  
With his sagged shoulders, tired eyes and masking hair, he resembled nothing of   
the Syaoran she knew.   
  
"Syaoran?" she whispered softly as he fell onto the couch.   
  
He made no response except cupping his hands over his face.   
  
"Syaoran, are you okay?" Meiling tried again.   
  
And once again, silence was her response.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong Syaoran...what's..."   
  
"You want to know what's wrong?" he finally looked up, with bloodshot eyes,   
"you want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! Sakura just dumped me!!"   
  
Meiling's eyes grew big out of both surprise and alarm. Surprised as she thought   
Syoaran and Sakura would last longer than super glue. Alarmed as she had never seen   
Syaoran this...untamed before. "I'm...I'm sorry," she managed.   
  
Syaoran stared at her, amber eyes gleaming with disgust. "Don't play dumb now,   
Meiling. Don't act as if you're really sorry about it. You are the one made this happen.   
Well, are you happy now? She broke up with me! Are you happy now?!" he chewed and   
spit each word carefully, coating each syllable with contempt.   
  
Pure contempt.   
  
Meiling felt dizzy all of a sudden. "I...? Made this happen?"   
  
Syaoran moaned. "Don't act surprised. Don't be a liar. You told her didn't you?   
You told her that I kissed you didn't you? What else did you tell her? What other lies did   
you tell her to make her break up with me?!?!"   
  
She clung to the wall for support.   
  
"Well, I hope you are happy now! Just lock me up and make me your little   
mannequin why don't you? You've succeeded! You won!" he cried.   
  
Meiling felt her whole body crumble. "You...you think I...told her...?" her heart   
blurred by tears and hurt she could no longer talk. "You...think that I, ...I would.. I would   
do...? ...purposely...?"   
  
She left with one last look of a shocked Syaoran.   
  
***   
  
I know now that shadows can see  
There's no point in running 'less you run with me  
It's half the distance through the open door  
Before you cut me down  
Again   
Let me introduce you to the end  
  
***   
  
***  
Darkness.  
  
How far does the darkness go? Is there a pitch-black wall at the far end? Or is it   
dark like this for infinity?   
  
Pain.   
  
When does the pain end? Is there an ointment that will heal all? Or does the sore   
fester till it'll become a bruise, then a forever wound?  
  
What if you were a bird? And you die without soaring a sky?   
  
...   
  
She found herself somewhere. Unknown street. Unknown neighborhood.   
Unknown area. Did it matter though? Broken. She was broken. She stared at her feet,   
walking down the gray cement. Will there ever be an end to all this...pain? Bitter bitter   
pain?   
  
And there, she heard a horn. It drowned the songs of grasshoppers. It buried her   
thoughts into deep sleep. She looked up and saw white head lights heading toward her.   
  
So she smiled.   
  
***  
  
Syaoran didn't know why he had just stood there, frozen as Meiling vanished   
from his eye sight. No matter what the reason, he was feeling beyond lousy now. He was   
feeling like he needed to bang his head against the wall.   
  
He couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't handle all these ravening emotions,   
mocking at him, pecking at him. He moaned and saw her face. She looked so sad when   
he accused her... Oh no. So Meiling didn't have anything to do with Sakura breaking up   
with him? So he yelled at her for nothing?   
  
Idiot. Asshole. Bastard.   
He banged his head against the wall.   
  
Oh wait. If Meiling had nothing to do with this... Sakura really...  
  
"I know if you think about it, you would see that I'm right."   
  
Oh no.   
  
Before Syaoran could go into 'confessions' with himself however, the phone   
rang, piercing through his thoughts.   
  
"Hello?" his voice sounded strained to his ears.   
  
"Mr.Li?" an unfamiliar voice asked.   
  
"Yes? This is he."   
  
"There's been an accident."   
***  
  
For a long while Syaoran simply stood there and felt every cell in his body desert   
him.   
  
It wasn't so...  
  
Motley words and pictures passed through his head inanely.  
  
It simply couldn't be...  
  
Couldn't be, couldn't be, not her...not her....!!!   
  
Syaoran found his body jerking as he pushed out the door, running blindly   
through the streets, running like a madman. All the stars and the moons seem to have   
crashed on him, so sudden he couldn't even breath, let alone think.   
  
It couldn't be! It couldn't be!   
  
He swerved briskly through the corners of the streets, no sound except soft   
pounding from the heart, and those pounds weren't caused by physically exertion, but   
mental infirmity. Consequently, when your not thinking, bad things tend to happen.   
  
'Bam!'   
  
"Oh my gosh!" squealed a voice, a very familiar voice.   
  
"Sa..."   
  
"Syaoran," Sakura rubbed her shoulder where they had contacted in. That was   
when she noticed his eyes, they were so...sad. It almost looked like he was about to cry.   
"Syaoran what's the matter?"   
  
"It's all my fault Sakura, it's all my fault!" he cried, crushing his fist against the   
wall repetitively.   
  
"What is it Syaoran? Don't scare me please!" Sakura replied nervously, she had   
never seen Syaoran like this. She had never seen Syaoran...in a breakdown.   
  
"It's Meiling," without warning, tears rushed out of his eyes, "it's all my fault!!"   
  
"Meiling? What's wrong with Meiling!?"   
  
"She's in a car accident. They called. Hospital people. Said they don't know if   
she's going to make it..." with his eyes wild, voice shaking and body trembling, Syaoran   
had lost everything he had grasped from the day in and day out training.  
  
Although she wasn't prepared for such a sadistic hit either, it took Sakura two   
blinks and two swallows of tears before she brought a hand around Syaoran's wrist and   
dragged him into dark asininity.   
  
He was a child after all. Behind the iron and the steel, even he was no exception.   
  
The two burst into the hospital, the sudden silence of the building was but another   
slap from reality.   
  
"Li Meiling," Syaoran called to the nearest nurse.  
  
She gave him a confused look. "I'm sorry I have no..."   
  
"She was just in a car accident," added Sakura.   
  
"Oh," the nurse, whether intentionally or not, whether insinuating anything or not,   
clasped her clipboard tighter around her fingers. "Are you relatives?"   
  
"I am," said Syaoran.   
  
"Please, come with me, the doctor is still with her so it might be a while till you   
hear anything. Try to remain calm as of now," she led them into a secluded area with a   
row of seats.   
  
Calm? Sure. Calm...   
  
Sakura stared as Syaoran held his fist in a clutch, his veins bulging as they pressed   
against his temples. She felt her own temples groaning. So many things had happened   
today, and they build up like a stack of bricks, until the last piece had crumbled   
everything.   
  
This simply wasn't happening...  
  
What was supposed to happen?   
  
Syaoran's supposed to go home and have a talk with Meiling-chan. Then they   
would discover something about each other before they quail before each other. Then   
Syaoran would see she was right, that he did have feelings for the girl. Then she could   
finally know the truth and cry her heart out... Sakura felt a tear from her eye. It's not   
right! I'm giving Syaoran to Meiling and she backs away at the last minute! Why?!? Why   
is everything so complicated? Why won't Syaoran look at me *that* way anymore? Why   
did everything change?!? And why can't it end with a happier ending? Why why why??!  
  
Sakura sighed as she turned to Syaoran; so sad he looked, so sad. "Syaoran..." she   
planted a hand on his shoulder, hoping the notion would assuage the obviously tormented   
boy. "She's going to be okay, you'll see, she's going to be..."   
  
"None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. None. It's all my fault."   
  
Sakura frowned. "It's not your fault..."   
  
"BUT IT IS!!!" Syaoran turned to look at her with a pair of strained eyes. "I   
called her a liar Sakura! I accused her of doing something she never did! I didn't chase   
her after she left! I called her selfish, and I'm always so mean to her and I don't ever   
consider her feelings and I'm just a useless coward who will...I..." he was breaking,   
crumbling, losing.   
  
"Syaoran. Shhh....it's going to be okay...shhhh..." Sakura collected the boy in her   
arms like she had so many times. "Whatever you did, you didn't mean to, you didn't   
mean to."   
  
"But she's still in there, and she might die, and if she dies, I'll die, Sakura. I'll   
die..."   
  
She continued to stroke him, without a word, but feeling his pain through her own   
pain..   
  
***  
  
A night later, a moon later, a doctor later, Syaoran found himself numb from all   
that has happened. The hospital was a lot busier now, anyone that ever knew Meiling   
seemed to have arrived and roamed nervously among the sepulchral atmosphere. He felt   
very alone though. Even with Sakura holding his hand (and been holding it through the   
night); even with Yukito mitigating; even with Touya shooting him sympathetic looks   
instead of admonitions, Syaoran still felt so very alone.   
  
So he got up, with all his muscles groaning and his mind scrambling and he   
headed toward the door.   
  
"HEY! Where you..." Touya started but was stopped by Sakura.   
  
"Let him go," she said simply.   
  
Syaoran stepped into a misty morning, matching his mood.   
  
"Her conditions are stable as of now, but we are not sure of her brain damage."   
  
"Is she going to be okay?"   
  
"Her life is stable, yes, but frankly, she will not come out of this unscathed. Even   
the best recovery will include permanent damages."   
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like the extremes, which varies from a vegetable to paralyzation."   
  
He had listened to the doctor attentively, trying to create a situation with his each   
word. After much contemplating however, Syaoran found himself locked into her eyes.   
  
That night...   
  
Her eyes were bloody red, her cheeks color of rose, and her lips, scarlet.   
Everything about her was so...full of life. Her laugh. Her whines. Her cries. Her cheers.   
Every single thing. Everything about her was different from him. She was day and he was   
night. Yet she was a mirror image of him, with ambition and determination knitted in her   
blood. Perhaps that was why she annoyed him so, her inability to realize when to stop.   
Perhaps that was why she amazes him so, her ability to realize she should never stop.   
  
Syaoran sighed and sank to the ground. Please, Meiling, be all right.  
  
"Syaoran," called a voice. "They said you could see her...now, and your aunt and   
uncle's here..." it was Sakura.  
  
Syaoran felt a harsh sting reverberate throughout his body. Her parents are here   
already. How on earth is he going to explain this one??   
  
"Syaoran."   
  
"I'll be there."   
  
"Don't torture your self anymore, Meiling-chan wouldn't have wanted that," she   
turned and walked away.   
  
Meiling wouldn't have wanted that? Then what exactly does Meiling want?   
Him?   
  
Why would anyone in their right mind want him? He was a coward, a jerk, not to   
mention a failure. A frustrated hand combed through messy brown hair.   
  
"Syaoran..." Sakura called again, looking worn out.   
  
"I got it, Sakura."   
  
"The doctor said she's stable now. No brain damage. She's going to be okay,   
Syoaran. She's a fighter."   
  
"How do you know?" Syaoran looked up.   
  
Sakura blinked, surprised at his question. "I..."   
  
"She won't be okay, and it's all my fault," Syaoran left without another word.   
  
***   
  
Meiling opened her eyes, the mere motion triggered a sudden pain in her body.   
Was it the sun? She thought for a second. Sun... Meiling blinked and allowed her brain to   
connect with the world. Numb. Everything felt distorted. She blinked again. Where was   
she?   
  
IV tubes in her arm and respirator hissing.  
  
Hospital?   
  
Oh God...pieces of images strung together and painted pictures in her mind. Oh God...   
  
She pushed herself up.   
  
She couldn't feel anything.   
  
***   
  
"The good news is there's no brain damage. The bad news is she's paralyzed from   
the waist down," the Doctor said.   
  
"Oh God," Mrs.Li clung to her husband.   
  
"There's a possibility of recovery though. Perhaps not 100%, but if she's willing,   
Meiling can definitely walk again. Please do not lose all hope. She is quite a fighter to   
have survived such an accident."   
  
A thud was heard next, and Syaoran was on his knees. "I'm sorry Uncle Li and   
Aunt Li. I failed to protect her. It's my fault. I don't know how I can..."   
  
"Get up, Syaoran!" ordered a stringent voice from Mrs.Li, whose voice was   
usually mellow. "My daughter is charge of her own decisions. It was an accident and you   
had nothing to do with it."   
  
"But I did. I yelled at her and that's why she left the apartment at midnight into   
the middle of nowhere, and that's why she got hurt."   
  
"Don't be foolish. I will not hear of this. Get up."   
  
"I don't know how I can make it up to you."   
  
"Li Syaoran, you have nothing to do with Meiling's conditions. But if you really   
do feel you need to make something up, don't talk to me, talk to Meiling, Syaoran. Now   
get up, get up," Mrs.Li held Syaoran by the arms.   
  
Syaoran felt tears rushing to his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Aunt...I didn't mean to...I   
didn't..."  
  
"Syaoran," whispered Mrs.Li, "I've watched you two grow up together, and   
frankly, I don't think I trust anyone more than you with my daughter's life. You have   
done enough. You probably have done more that I have ever tried. However, it's time for   
Meiling to fight her own fight. Don't you give up on her, all right?"   
  
"I..."   
  
"Go see her, Syaoran. Go see her."   
  
***   
To Meiling haters: nope, didn't kill her, sorry.  
To this weird cousin/cousin situation: I have a problem with this too, but since the Li clan   
have no problem with it and they are all magical and aren't like the rest of the world, why   
operate like the rest of the world? Lol. And did you know Syaoran and Sakura are   
technically cousins too if you get it to this Clow Reed thing? ^-^ :)~  
  
  
  
  



	5. Best I ever had...

Best I ever had - Part 5  
A Card Captor Sakura Fanfic   
by Iris C - silver_dreams10@yahoo.com  
Completed : June 12th 2001  
Copyrights apply.   
  
Notes: *.* To all Syaoran and Sakura devotees, and that's 9/10% of you. I'm not trying to   
break the 'cutest couple in the anime world', honest! I'm not trying. I am. *wicked grin*.   
Nah, just kiddin'. I have nothin' against those two. They are n' love, that's nice. 10 year   
olds. Young love. *sigh* So cute. Yeah, well, Meiling still kicks, that's why this is here,   
with or without Mr.Li. The fic wasn't supposed to turn out to be a MeiLi ficcy *bangs   
head against monitor for the inability to create non-sappy fics* It was all about Meiling   
and how she rules. But since operation 'Meiling rules' merged with operation 'Syaoran   
and Meiling really doesn't make that bad a couple', I just went along with the muse. ^-^   
Although, for the record. I do think Syaoran and Sakura should be together. It's a classic   
romance thing, the obstinate boy and the carefree girl, yadi yada. Meiling and Syaoran   
are too similar in many respects, both a little too arrogant and competitive for their own   
good. They need some 'broader' visions with other ppl. *-* Ha. Can't flame me now! I   
just have an excuse for everything. :)   
  
More notes: last chapter! Finally. It's about time! Warning: this chapter is a little angsty,   
okay, a lot. It's kind of freakish too...  
  
Irrelevant notes: IF ANYONE has SEEN Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO), the drama,   
please E-mail me. ^o^   
  
Current mood while writing some of this: PISSED OFF CUZ SIXERS JUST LOST   
GAME 3. DAMN I'M SO SICK OF LAKERS. Damn damn damn. *shut up Eillah* ^.^  
  
***   
  
Syaoran swallowed the apple sized lump in his throat as he marched into her   
room. For a second, he just kind of stood there. The room was so quiet and impassive he   
almost felt vulnerable. But while everything was cloaked in a thin layer of ghastly pale,   
he saw her red eyes, gleaming from so near yet so far away. Syaoran stifled a gasp. Apart   
from her eyes, Meiling definitely hadn't escape death unscathed. There were gash marks   
everywhere, on her face, her neck, her arms, all while her body was covered by bandages,   
which should reveal even more damages. The only thing left alone was her blue black   
hair, and even that looked dull as they rested against her head. She looked...terrible. Not   
because of the marks and cuts, but a certain deadliness surrounding her.   
  
"Meiling..." he felt guilty, ashamed, and hurt.   
  
And when she didn't answer, he felt the wrath from her aura, aimed right at his   
heart, the guilt spot, the comfort spot, the spot he has yet to comprehend.  
  
"Go," she said, a voice stone cold and eyes rock hard.  
  
Syaoran felt as if he had been slapped, in their 15 years of existence, Meiling had   
never sincerely told him off like that.  
  
"Meiling, listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled and you, I shouldn't have   
blamed you..."   
  
She shook her head. "I don't care. Just go away!!" her voice was high pitched,   
like the high-strung girl she always was. Except the high-strung girl had never hated him   
so. Even when she ran away from him the last time, he had felt a certain linger in her   
eyes. But now Meiling looked at him as if he was Mr.Oblivion himself.   
  
"Meiling I..."   
  
She plugged her ears.   
  
Okay, this is just ridiculous now.   
  
"Meiling, listen to me," Syaoran pleaded the girl, gently peeling her scarred hands   
away from her ears. He winced as he examined her hands, even there displayed bruised   
and cuts. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."   
  
She tore her hands away from him and looked away. "Nothing to be sorry for.   
You were just speaking your mind."   
  
"No, I wasn't! I was being a jerk and speaking without thinking."   
  
"Speaking without thinking often mean speaking the truth."   
  
"No, Meiling..." Syaoran reached for her cheek, "look at me."   
  
She didn't move. "It wasn't your fault, okay? Just go!!"   
  
"Look at me."   
  
"I said go!!!" Meiling screamed, ripping her eyes to face Syaoran.   
  
He looked...he looked...on the verge of...tears?   
  
"It is my fault, isn't it? So let me take responsibility Meiling. I've caused you so   
much pain."   
  
Meiling dropped her eyes. "It isn't your fault. I killed myself. I let the truck hit   
me, I did. I didn't move. I just let the truck go, rip my flesh, crush my bones... I killed   
myself."  
Syaoran's eyes grow big.   
  
"It isn't your fault. It's so many things. I'm broken, mentally more than   
physically. You might have been the last straw, but it's not just you. I couldn't battle   
against life anymore. You see, no matter how much I try, no matter how profusely I tell   
myself to see the bright side of everything and be a strong warrior, be worthy of being a   
Li..." she crumbled, her injured body falling apart in front of him. "I can't. I am just weak   
and self absorbed. I can't get over my silly problems...so just leave me alone, Syaoran,   
please."  
  
"Meiling..." he reached for her and she tentatively turned away again.   
  
"Don't waste time with me anymore, Syaoran, I'm hopeless."   
  
"Don't say that!!" he nearly shouted, "it's not true. You have so much."  
  
She stared at him, simply staring. "Like what?"   
  
He faltered again, surprised she would ask a question like that. "Your family, your   
friends, your future."   
  
"I know, yet, I don't," Meiling blinked, clearly unaffected. "It's funny, all these   
years I've built such a mask I had thought I mastered all the points to a guise. I guess I'm   
wrong as usual. Everything still comes down on me. I wish I could be like you, Syaoran,   
you are so strong. I wish I could be like Sakura, she's so full of...life," she reached for her   
head, trying to block an on coming headache.  
  
"That's not true. You are telling lies. You don't want to be anyone but yourself."   
  
"You're right. I just wanted to die. Why am I here? I wanted to die! You see that,   
Syaoran? They won't even let me die! I can't even control a thing like that," Meiling   
reached for her hair, on the verge of breaking down.   
  
"Meiling! DON'T SAY THAT!!" he was frightened by her words.   
  
"Oh shut up Syaoran! You don't know what it feels like! You don't know what it   
feels like! I hate you! You don't know what it feels like! Leave me alone!!"   
  
He held onto her. "Control yourself, Meiling."   
  
"I can't! I CAN'T!!!" she screamed. "I JUST WANT IT TO END! I WANT IT   
ALL TO END," she's pounding now, injured fists making soft strikes on Syaoran's chest,   
shaking her head while crying insanely. "I CAN'T."   
  
"You can, listen to me Meiling, you can!" he held her close until she stopped   
pounding and ceased sobbing. "Believe in it and you can."   
They don't even know what they are saying, but somehow everything made sense.   
  
She threw her arms around him. "Syaoran!"   
  
He pressed her face against his, letting her pain run down to his veins.   
  
"I don't want to die...I don't want to...but I don't want the pain...Syaoran, help   
me. Syaoran, it hurts...help me."   
  
Syaoran stroked the girl, pieces and pieces of hair. "Shhh...it's all going to be all   
right. Meiling. It's going to be all right...my Meiling..."   
  
***   
  
Sakura held the nourishments and flowers in her arms. She had gone home   
yesterday to catch up on some sleep but returned immediately in the morning. For some   
weird reason, she felt content, almost happy, a certain hope hung in her heart. Sakura   
peeked into Meiling's room and tiptoed inside.   
  
She was sleeping soundly while his head rested on her blanket. Their hands   
entwined.   
  
Sakura smiled. A little sad, but happy nonetheless.   
  
Finally.   
  
Sakura left the food on the table then headed toward the door. "Thank you, Li-  
kun," she whispered.   
  
Finally.   
  
***  
(Some days later)   
  
Meiling was let out of the hospital after a surgery, which identified no brain   
damages but paralyzation from the waist down. Her parents immediately decided her   
return to China so they could take better care of her. The old Meiling might have cried,   
whining how she had to leave Syaoran, the love of her life in Japan. But the Meiling now   
had no reason to cry. For the love of her life was beside her, their heads against each   
other on the roof of their apartment.   
  
Syaoran had carried her up there when she wanted to get some fresh air. She had   
just wanted to just take in some air from the window, but Syaoran insisted on the view   
from above.   
  
"Are you cold?" he draped his jacket over her shoulder protectively.   
  
"I'm all right," Meiling smiled, "geez, Syaoran, just cuz I'm a cripple doesn't   
mean I'm cold blooded," although she did collect his jacket tighter around her neck.  
  
"I didn't mean it that way."   
  
"I know, I was just joking, Syaoran."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Syaoran?"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Are you pitying me?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Are you pitying me because I'm a cripple and a lunatic?"   
  
Syaoran turned to look at Meiling, checking to see if she's serious or not.   
  
"I am serious, sorta. I don't want you to be forced into...me... If you love Sakura   
you should be with her. You've given me so much already. I know you don't want to hurt   
me, but you don't mean to hurt me, and it'll be unfair to both of us if you are forced into   
anything. And I know I worry you and rest of the world by being so fickle and   
unpredictable, but I think I'm all right now, really. You... you made it all right. I don't   
hate you anymore, I never hated you, Syaoran, I probably said some terrible things to you   
when I was at the hospital," a pause, "I'm rambling, aren't I?"   
  
To her surprise, he laughed. A foreign sound from the young boy nearly scared all   
the rationality left in Meiling.   
  
"What? What's so funny?"   
  
"You," Syaoran pulled Meiling against him. "You are."   
  
"Are you mocking me? I don't like being mocked."   
  
"No? I would have never guessed," Syaoran said. "You worry too much, you   
shouldn't worry too much."   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"   
  
"It means this," Syaoran lowered his head and the next thing Meiling felt was his   
lips, on hers, against hers, willingly, again, but he didn't freak out this time, and Meiling   
felt breaking every bone in her body was worth it for this.   
Yes. It was true. She was obsessed with Syaoran Li since day one, and apparently   
it wasn't going to end anytime soon.   
  
  
***  
  
The crowded airport didn't hinder any smiling faces. Everyone seems to be   
hugging, smiling, laughing. It was almost strange, as technically speaking, it was   
supposed to be a sad farewell.   
  
Meiling was on her wheelchair. Although apparently, that didn't stop her from   
being mischievous as she strolled around the airport, making Syaoran chase her around.   
  
"Come on Meiling! Stop rolling around or you'll get hurt!"   
  
"Hey! Daddy didn't get this high tech big time wheelchair majig and expect me to   
stroll around like an old lady."   
  
Syaoran caught up to her. "Gotcha!" he dragged the wheelchair back as she   
protested, pressing her accelerator button.   
  
"Man, one. Machine, zero. it's a lost cause Meiling," Syaoran smirked.   
  
"You are such a butt face."   
  
"Hoi...yeah..well, I'm not the one engaged to the butt face. Come on, gotta say the   
good byes."   
  
"Wait a minute. Syaoran!"   
  
"What?" he turned.   
  
"What did you say?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"What did you just say?"   
  
"Gotta say the good byes?"   
  
"No, before that!"   
  
He smiled, loving how her face scrunched in fake confusion. "I said. I'm not the   
one engaged to the butt face."   
  
Meiling smiled.   
  
He gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. "Come on," Syaoran pushed her toward   
where everyone is.   
  
"Almost time to go, Honey, you got everything?" Mrs.Li questioned her daughter.   
  
"No. I have to say goodbyes," Meiling turned to Sakura. "Sakura," she beamed,   
"arigatou."   
  
Sakura smiled as well as she gave Meiling a hug. "I'll miss you, till you come   
back."   
  
"Haha, you will, and when I come back, I'll be able to beat you in gymnastics and   
everything else again."   
  
Sakura giggled. "Sure. We'll see. Take care okay?"   
  
"You too, Sakura. Take care of Syaoran for me okay? You did such a nice job   
over the years."   
  
Sakura blushed. "Meiling..."   
  
"I'm serious. Kinomoto."   
  
"Huh?"   
  
Meiling laughed, giddiness was sprouting from her pores. "Never mind. Thanks a   
lot."  
  
"You're welcome."   
  
"I mean it."   
  
"I mean it, too."   
  
"Let's go, honey! Want Dad to push you?"   
  
"No! I'll be right there!" Meiling wheeled around, "bye Sakura!"   
  
"Bye Meiling! Get well soon!"   
  
"You can count on that!"   
  
Syaoran watched as she pushed herself away. They had talked about this   
yesterday, how she didn't want it to be a sad good bye, how they were going to leave it   
on a happy note.   
  
But he couldn't help it.   
  
She strolled along, disappearing into the crowds while everyone waved.   
  
He couldn't help it.   
  
"Meiling!!" Syaoran cried, "Meiling!" He ran toward her as she glanced back,   
surprised.   
  
He dove into her, like a little boy once again.   
  
"Syaoran, what is it? Syaoran..."   
  
"Meiling...I..."   
  
"What is it?"   
  
He dug something out from his pocket. "Take this."   
  
It was a box.   
  
"What is it?" She opened it, carefully.   
  
A ruby ring.   
  
The ruby ring.   
  
Meiling gasped. "Syaoran you..."   
  
"I love you, Meiling."   
  
Meiling was trembling slightly as she held the box. She felt light headed,   
dissolving from the inside... "You promised you wouldn't make me cry again Syaoran..."   
she said, tears streaming down her face. "You said you wouldn't make this hard on me.."   
Meiling fell against him. "Liar Syaoran, liar, liar, liar..."   
  
He hugged her. "I'm sorry..."   
  
"I'll wait for you in Hong Kong," a sniffle. "I'll do my best to walk again, and   
you do your best to catch the cards... Is that a deal?"  
  
"Deal."   
  
Syaoran lunged forward, kissing her on the lips. She clang onto his shirt, as if   
grasping his very soul.   
  
"Wo ai ni."   
  
Meiling slipped the ring on her finger. 'Forever.'  
  
***   
  
Syaoran's journal.   
  
Love is such a tricky thing, it never makes no sense when you try to figure it out.   
But if you just kind of follow your heart and spill out your guts dry, it seems to work out.   
I've been in love twice, one with the my enchanting adversary, and one with my lifetime   
companion. They both taught me so much about love in their enigmatic ways. In a way, I   
guess I am surprised I am with Meiling now. I had fell for Sakura hard. Heck, more like   
tripped, rolled then crashed down the stairs. Sakura and I made a lot of sense, we fit like   
pieces of a puzzle, completing each other. If you had asked me a year before, I probably   
would have blurted that we'll get married someday. Of course, I guess while I was   
crashing into Sakura, apart of me was always with Meiling. It's strange, I can't seem to   
explain the feeling I have toward Meiling. She doesn't enchant me, complete me,   
bedazzle me, amaze me, etc. like Sakura. But I love her, I love hers in ways I can't   
explain. I love her when she needs me, cries out my name, hurts me, and then loves me   
again... And in her own ways, she is beautiful, enchanting, completing, amazing.   
  
Damn, I don't think anything I wrote made much sense, huh?   
  
But love isn't supposed to make sense, right? It just...happens.   
  
I miss her already.   
  
***  
  
Sakura's journal.   
  
I watched as he kissed her. I watched their expressions afterwards, so happy. I felt   
a little piece of me die. I loved him. I really did. I still do. I do. I do. They say giving up   
the ones you love is hard, but they forgot to mention just how heart wrenching, soul   
torturing, mind killing hard it was. I don't know how I can ever face him again. I don't   
know how!   
  
But then maybe I'll just remember how happy she looked when he gave her that   
ring, and how happy he looked when he saw that she was happy. Then a little piece of me   
will smile. I'll smile...   
  
It is a happy ending, after all, isn't it?   
  
  
**************************************  
THE END  
****************************************  
  
After notes: WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!! IT'S OVER!! IT'S OVER!!! RIGHT ON THE   
12:00 P.M. DOT! Well, the ending kind of disappointed me, not because it's bad, but it   
seems oddly familiar to Glowing Stars or somethin'. And how much more SaPpY can I   
get? Huh? Huh? Although I did like how Sakura ended this with, "it is a happy ending,   
isn't it?" Mahahaha. Yes, that sentence means what it means. Oh well, I gotta say. I'm   
proud of this fic no matter what anyone saids because I actually edited chapter 1 and 2,   
DOESN'T happen often. ^.^ I just wanna thank EVERYONE THAT REVIEWED.   
Shevey for pointing out my editing habits, I'll chill out. Molly for reading! (Hi Molly!)   
Matthew for being a great editor. EVERYONE! You guys rule! So does Meilin/g! This   
fic is promptly dedicated to mah favorite character from CCS, MEILING LI. The end. Go   
home kids. Party's over. ^-^  



End file.
